


Nothing Burns Faster Than Fear

by dixons_mama



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst, Artist Steve Rogers, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends With Benefits, Frottage, Gay Bucky, Gay Panic, Gay Sex, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Photographer Bucky Barnes, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Rimming, Switching, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, steve thinks he's straight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-22 23:02:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23001805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dixons_mama/pseuds/dixons_mama
Summary: Steve Rogers is excited to meet Sam's childhood friend, who has just moved back to NY, but when Bucky Barnes enters his life, things don't go quite as planned.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 88
Kudos: 299





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Endless thanks to my tireless beta, humapuma, I couldn't have done this without her. If you haven't already, go check out her fics, she's incredible!
> 
> I haven't fully decided on a posting schedule, but I've only got one chapter left to write, so I'll probably do like I did for my last fic, and post twice a week.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> *Title from the song So What by Noah Gundersen*

"Steve!" Sam exclaimed, waving him over.

Steve smiled as he approached the table, weaving between bodies in the crowded bar. "Hey, pal."

"Steve,” Sam began, gesturing to the tall, dark haired man seated beside him. “I'd like to finally introduce you to my buddy, Bucky."

Standing from his seat, Bucky extended his hand. "Nice to meet you, Steve."

Steve offered his own and took a moment to examine him. He couldn't help but notice Bucky's sharp jawline and piercing grey-blue eyes. As he stared, an impish grin began to spread across Bucky's face, and Steve could feel himself blush.

"You too," Steve smiled back, relinquishing Bucky's hand, having held it, perhaps, a heartbeat longer than necessary. "I've heard a lot about you."

"I hope I live up to the hype." Bucky laughed, running his hand through his hair.

“Come off it, Barnes.” Sam chuckled as he shoved Bucky half heartedly.

Bucky gaped at his friend before displaying a prominent pout. “You know I'm a good boy." 

Steve suddenly felt overly aware that, for some reason, Bucky had him blushing. Again. In an attempt to not stare at his ridiculously plush lips, Steve instead took notice of Bucky’s attire. He wore dark purple colored jeans that looked painted on, and the faded tee shirt that stretched over his expansive chest, had GLADD written across the front of it. After looking down at his black Converse sneakers, which donned rainbow shoelaces, Steve looked up to see Bucky watching him. 

“I gotta take a piss,” Sam suddenly announced, and Steve looked over just in time to see him walk away. When he turned to look at Bucky, he was surprised by the tight lipped expression on his face.

“You got something to say to me?” Bucky’s voice was steady, but not confrontational.

“What?” Steve furrowed his brows.

“I saw you looking me over,” Bucky pointed out. “You got a problem with what I’m wearing?”

Steve’s mouth fell open in shock. “No!” He nearly shouted, putting his hands up defensively. “Not at all, I was just... I only...”

Bucky burst out laughing then. “Dude, I’m kidding!”

“Oh my God.” Steve inhaled quickly and began choking on his own spit. He felt his face burning, again.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky apologized, handing Steve his beer. “I’m so used to teasing Sam. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s fine.” Steve took the offered drink and put the cool bottle against his forehead, before taking a long drink, then handed it back. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Bucky smiled at Steve as their fingers brushed together in the exchange, and Steve couldn’t stop the shy smile that it elicited.

After a brief silence, Steve decided to break the ice.

“Sam’s been prattling on about you ever since he found out that you were coming back to New York, but I figure it’s best to get my information straight from the source.” He went on, “Are you happy to be back in the city?”

Bucky hummed, tilting his head back and forth. “Yes and no. Yes, because all my closest friends are here, and I do prefer the city to suburban life.” Steve nodded his head, smiling. “But also no, because I’m gonna miss my family.”

Steve was about to speak when Sam returned to the table.

“You two getting along?” Sam inquired, glancing at the both of them.

“I’d say so,” Steve replied, “except for when Bucky made me choke on my spit.”

“Damn, Barnes.” Sam laughed. “At least wait till the second date!”

Steve did his best to laugh at Sam’s attempt at humor, but he could feel butterflies in his stomach at the thought. _And what is that about_? He asked himself. Steve was comfortable with his sexuality and, apart from one of two fleeting thoughts that another man was good-looking, he never questioned his heterosexuality. Every guy thought another guy was hot once or twice… right?

“Steve?” Sam snapped his fingers in front of Steve’s face. “Earth to Steve.”

“Huh?” Looking up, Steve saw both Sam and Bucky looking at him oddly.

“Man, I said your name like, five times.” Sam looked at him suspiciously.

“Sorry.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck and glanced up, finding Bucky grinning at him from across the table.

“I was saying,” Sam continued, “I just got a text from Tony, he needs me at work. Don’t let me be a buzzkill, though. You two stay here and hang out, I’ll cover your next round.”

“Aw, Sam, you’re too good to me,” Bucky said, standing from his seat to give Sam a quick hug. After Steve did the same, Bucky turned to him and asked, “You up for keeping the new guy company for a while?”

Steve felt flustered, and Sam looked at him with a raised brow. “Y-yeah, sure,” he stuttered. 

“Great!” Bucky smiled brightly and Steve couldn’t look away.

 _What is this?_ He questioned as he resumed his seat. Shortly after Sam left, a waitress approached to take their order. Once she departed, Steve felt an awkward silence fall between them, and it ate at him. _Why is this so difficult?_ He berated himself. Glancing Bucky’s way, Steve could see that he didn’t look quite as confident as he had been when Sam was with them. It broke Steve’s heart to think it was him making Bucky feel this way.

"What kind of work do you do, Bucky?" Steve asked, doing his best to keep the conversation going.

Just then, their waitress dropped off their drinks. "Will that be all?" 

"I could go for some mozzarella sticks." Steve looked at Bucky. "You wanna share some?"

Bucky smiled and nodded. "That'd be great, thanks."

"So," Steve continued, once the waitress had gone, "you were gonna tell me about your work?"

Bucky smiled softly. "I'm a freelance photographer. How about you?"

"That's awesome," Steve replied. "I'm an artist and I also do freelance work.” 

“What kind?”

“Advertisements mostly,” Steve answered, taking a long drink.

“You like it?” Bucky asked.

Steve nodded. “It doesn't pay great, but I love it.” He watched Bucky tip his beer back, drinking the last bit of it down as his Adam’s apple bobbed. Forcing his eyes away, Steve asked, “H-how'd you get into photography?"

“Growing up, I was always taking pictures of the family pets.” Bucky chuckled. “In high school, one of my teachers actually asked if I would do a maternity shoot for her. Word seemed to get out, and it’s just spiraled from there. Although, I still prefer photographing animals.”

“Aren’t animals difficult to work with?” Steve inquired, as their order was delivered. He took one and dunked it into the bowl of marinara sauce.

“They can be.” Bucky also took a mozzarella stick, biting into it and stretching the cheese as far as he could, making Steve laugh. Once he’d finally finished, he went on. “One time I was doing a shoot for this elderly woman’s Italian Greyhound, and it was horrible.”

“Yikes, was it aggressive or something?”

Bucky laughed. “The dog was an angel. It was the owner that caused all the trouble. She spent the entire shoot telling me how to do my job and how I was doing it wrong. You quickly find out how neurotic people can be when it comes to anything involving their pet.”

Steve couldn’t help laughing. “Oh man, I can just imagine a little old lady following you around, chastising your lighting and angles.”

As the night went on, Steve found himself enraptured by Bucky's every word and movement. The man was truly beautiful. The way he waved his arms around dramatically while telling a story about another client, causing his biceps to bulge under his shirt, and how his stormy blue eyes sparkled as he laughed at Steve’s impression of Sam. Through it all, Steve couldn’t look away. Just being with Bucky felt effortless in a way that he’d never experienced, and Steve felt enamored by his confidence and passion. Discussing their careers easily led to talk of their hobbies, and then to friends and family. Steve especially enjoyed hearing Bucky's tales about Sam from their college days. 

After a waitress deposited their third round of beers, there was a lull in the conversation. Even though it was a comfortable silence, Steve couldn’t shake the desire to hear more about Bucky. Without quite thinking it through, he blurted out, “Sam told me you recently broke up with your boyfriend.”

Bucky gave an incredulous look and Steve couldn’t remember having ever cringed so hard in his life. For a moment he prayed that a sinkhole would appear beneath him and suck him into the earth, putting an end to his self induced mortification.

“Yeah,” Bucky finally answered with a laugh. “I’m enjoying the single life again. Me and Brock weren’t… compatible, in the end.”

“Oh?” Steve took a sip of his beer, trying not to appear as overly curious as he felt. “I guess it’s good it ended then.”

“I couldn’t agree more." Bucky looked away for a moment. "He was too aggressive for my taste.”

Steve searched for an appropriate response. “Um, y-yeah. That happens, I suppose. Uh…”

“Sorry,” Bucky apologized, covering his face with his hands. “That was TMI, huh?”

“No, it’s, uh, it’s fine.” Steve placed his hands in his lap and began fidgeting. For some reason, the thought of Bucky preferring gentle lovemaking had him breaking out in goosebumps. _Why?_ He asked himself, shocked by the direction his mind had taken. Steve realized he was feeling things for Bucky that he’d never felt for another man, and it left him feeling very off balance… yet, it also excited him.

“I keep sticking my foot in my mouth. I’ve never been a great conversationalist.” Bucky groaned, interrupting Steve’s chaotic train of thought.

“I swear, it’s fine. I can handle sex.” Steve felt like he was going to catch flames at any moment, but forced himself to laugh reassuringly.

Bucky smiled shyly. “I just know that…” he hesitated before taking another drink. “For a lot of straight guys, it’s weird to talk about.” 

“I don’t feel uncomfortable with it. Sex is sex.” Steve shrugged, deciding to go all in. "It doesn't matter to me if it's two men together. I'm pretty open-minded."

Bucky's smile brightened significantly. "I'm glad you feel that way." He then leaned forward conspiratorially, " Do you-"

He was cut off as a drunk patron bumped into their table, nearly knocking Steve's beer over. Looking around, Steve was surprised by how crowded the bar had become. He checked his phone and was shocked to realize that they'd been talking for nearly two hours. Judging by Bucky's expression upon looking at his own phone, he was just as stunned. When he looked up at Steve, Bucky’s expression was unreadable.

“It’s late,” Bucky began, and Steve knew what he was going to say, but he didn’t want to hear it.

“We can head to my place for a night cap, if you’d like?” He suggested, going for nonchalant, even as his voice cracked.

“Do you live close by?” 

“Uh, no.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “I actually live in Bed Stuy.”

Bucky thought for a moment before he said, “Let’s just go to my place.” Steve swallowed. “It’s only a ten minute walk from here. You can crash on my couch for the night.” Bucky stood up and began pulling out his wallet.

“I’ve got it.” Steve stopped him, pulling out two twenties and dropping them on the table. He bumped Bucky’s shoulder with his own when he looked like he was about to argue. In the end, Bucky just rolled his eyes, laughing as they exited the bar.

**

  
Walking into Bucky’s apartment, Steve could feel his heart beating out of his chest. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to happen, whether he wanted to do… something, with Bucky, or just have that night cap and crash on his couch. He glanced at Bucky, who was bent over, untying his shoes, and Steve couldn’t pull his eyes away from Bucky’s ass. He wanted to feel it in his hands, to squeeze it, and maybe even-

“Steve?” Bucky stood, turning to Steve. “What would you like to drink?” He headed for the kitchen, seemingly oblivious to Steve’s internal struggle.

“Uh, I-I’ll just have whatever you’re having.”

Bucky soon returned with two glasses, a white cat weaved between his legs as he offered one to Steve. “I’ve only got whiskey, unless you want another beer.”

“Whiskey’s fine.” Steve took the offered drink and took a sip, humming in pleasure. “‘s good.”

“Glad you like it.” Bucky looked down at his own glass and bit his bottom lip.

Steve couldn’t hold back any longer, didn’t want to. Placing his drink on the closest flat surface, Steve closed the distance between himself and Bucky. He brought his hand to Bucky’s cheek and looked into his eyes. Bucky’s eyes widened but he didn’t back away. Steve desperately hoped he wasn’t reading this all wrong as he leaned in, and brushed his lips against Bucky’s. Just as he was about to deepen the kiss, Bucky pulled away. Steve’s heart sank.

“Steve...” Bucky’s hands came up, though he didn’t push Steve away or pull him closer. “Are you sober?”

Steve swallowed. “I-I am. I really am.” He licked his lips and prepared to step away. “Did you not want…” Steve trailed off.

Bucky looked over his face, as if searching for something in it. “If you’re sure you want to,” he finally said, “I have no qualms with it.” Bucky looked at him expectantly. “I’m not going to be your little gay experiment, though, Steve.”

Steve took a moment to think. Did he really want this? Did he really want to have sex with Bucky? A man? Gazing into Bucky’s eyes, all Steve could think was, _yes_.

“You’re not, I’m… I’m sure.” He answered with a nod.

Bucky surged forward, haphazardly placing his glass next to Steve’s, and kissed him deeply. Steve welcomed Bucky’s tongue into his mouth with no hesitation, moaning at how delicious Bucky tasted.

“Fuck,” Bucky moaned in return, wrapping his arms around Steve’s shoulders. 

Feeling Bucky’s hard body pressed against his own only spurred Steve on, as he tangled his hands in Bucky’s hair. It didn’t take long before Steve could feel his cock straining painfully against his jeans. He pulled back, resting his forehead against Bucky’s, and took several deep breaths. 

“Ah!” Bucky’s hand was suddenly grazing over Steve’s groin, and he wanted more. He thrust his hips forward, groaning as Bucky gave a gentle squeeze.

“You want me to take care of that?” Bucky leaned in, kissing Steve softly.

He didn’t know what Bucky had in mind exactly, but Steve didn’t care. He nodded enthusiastically. “Bucky, please.”

Slowly, Bucky lowered himself to his knees, and Steve couldn’t look away. Bucky lifted up the hem of Steve’s shirt, and placed soft, open mouthed kisses across his abdomen. Steve ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair again, and he looked up at Steve as he opened the button on his jeans, then pulled the zipper down. Finally yanking Steve’s pants down, Bucky then mouthed over his clothed erection. When Steve gave a gentle tug on Bucky’s hair, he moaned into Steve’s groin. Seemingly done with going slow, he quickly pulled down Steve’s boxers.

“You’re sure?” He asked once more, looking into Steve’s eyes.

“Yeah,” Steve breathed, unable to form any other coherent words.

Smiling, Bucky lapped at the head of Steve’s cock, then licked a wide stripe up the underside, from root to tip. When he finally took Steve into his mouth, Steve could already feel his orgasm building. Curling his toes in his shoes, and tightening his grip on Bucky’s hair, Steve did all he could to hold back. Time seemed to slow down around him, all he could concentrate on was the warm, wet heat of Bucky’s mouth. The way Bucky swallowed around the head of his cock, nuzzling his nose into Steve’s pubes, was something he knew he’d never forget. 

“Fuck-” Steve panted, “I-I’m not gonna last, Buck.”

Bucky hummed around his cock and brought up a hand to fondle Steve’s balls, and that was his tipping point. Shouting out, Steve came into Bucky’s mouth. Bucky continued suckling him until every last drop was swallowed. Looking up at him, Bucky gave a sly grin, and licked his lips. Steve grabbed him by the shoulders and yanked him up, kissing and licking into his mouth, relishing the taste of his own come on Bucky’s tongue. 

Steve smiled into the kiss when Bucky began moaning, but then he felt Bucky’s hard cock press into his hip. He froze. Bucky noticed immediately and stopped. He pulled back, and Steve felt panic wash over him. Could he really do this? Was he ready to go down on Bucky? A man, his brain not so helpfully supplied.

“Steve?” Bucky sounded worried, and Steve realized he was standing there with his boxers and pants around his ankles, his limp cock lying sadly against his thigh. He quickly bent down and pulled them up, rushing to close his jeans. 

“I.. I’m-” Steve looked around the apartment nervously, hating himself more and more as he watched Bucky’s face fall.

“I think you should go,” Bucky told him, solemnly. 

Steve nodded, but continued standing there, staring at Bucky. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but watching Bucky clearly avoid his gaze, made Steve’s chest feel like it was caving in. Nodding once more, Steve turned, and left Bucky’s apartment, closing the door quietly behind him

All but running out of the building, Steve didn’t stop until he was standing in front of the bar again. A bolt of lightning shot through the sky, and thunder rumbled loudly. Looking up, a fat raindrop landed on his face, quickly followed by others. A sudden downpour had Steve seeking refuge back inside the building he’d just left less than half an hour ago. It was still crowded, but there was an empty stool at the bar, Steve took it, and ordered a shot of tequila. As it burned its way down his throat, Steve squeezed his eyes shut. _What have I done?_

“Hey there, you look like you could use some company.” Steve opened his eyes to see a tall, dark haired woman standing beside him. She was dressed in black leggings, and a black top, with a denim jacket over it. On any other day, he would’ve happily accepted her proposal for company, but at that moment, all he wanted to do was to keep drinking until he didn’t feel like such a flaming pile of garbage.

“I don’t.” Steve finally mumbled, turning away. He could hear the woman scoff as she walked away angrily.

After ordering two more shots, Steve pulled out his phone to order an Uber. He paid his tab and went out when his ride arrived. Clumsily climbing into the Impala, Steve hoped it would be a quiet drive. 

“Hey, I’m Scott, how are you doing?” The driver asked, and Steve sagged down in his seat. “The forecast didn’t call for rain. Can you believe that? I mean, just look at this downpour!”

Steve mumbled a response, hoping Scott would get a clue and stop talking. But as it was, his luck was nonexistent that night.

“You okay, buddy? You look rough, even for being picked up at a bar.” 

“Yeah, I’m great, living the dream back here.” Steve shot back, but this driver just wouldn’t take the hint.

“Trouble in paradise, huh?” 

“What?” Steve looked up to see Scott briefly glancing at him in the rearview mirror.

“You got that look. I’m good at reading people. Plus, being an Uber driver is half playing therapist,” Scott went on. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m always willing to listen. No judgement here, I don’t always have great advice, but sometimes it’s good to just let it out. Ya know?”

Steve thought about it for a moment. What could it hurt to tell this complete stranger what a scumbag he was? 

“No.” He finally admitted. “Not trouble in paradise, I just acted like a huge asshole to a really nice guy and my best friend is going to disown me when he finds out.”

“Why’s that?” Scott asked, peaking back at Steve again.

“Because the guy is a really close friend to my friend.”

“Maybe it’s not as bad as you think it is. It’s easy to make things look worse than they are.” Scott offered, stopping at a red light.

“No, it’s definitely horrible.” Steve told him, cringing as he decided to share the details with Scott. “I went back to his place, and things… kinda escalated quickly. After he, well, took care of me, I freaked out and left.”

“Oh shit,” Scott actually sounded sympathetic, “are you still in the closet?”

“I’m not gay. Or bi.” Steve crossed his arms defensively, and when he saw Scott’s look of confusion in the mirror, he continued. “I don’t know what I was thinking. This guy was just… he was gorgeous and funny and nice and just… I don’t know, but it was a mistake and I totally fucked up.”

“That… sounds a little gay.” Scott sounded almost quizzical. “Maybe you could sit down with this guy, apologize, and explain yourself. You’d be surprised how far a little communication can get you.” Scott pulled up beside Steve’s apartment building, turning to look back at him. “Whatever happens, I have a good feeling things’ll work out for you in the end.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had intended to post this yesterday, but I had to take my mom to the ER in the morning (found out she has the flu) and then when we got home, our internet was out. It didn't come back on until after midnight, so that was the reason for the delay. 
> 
> I plan to post chapters on Tuesdays and Wednesdays from now on, though :)
> 
> (ALSO: The two elderly characters in this chapter are not MCU characters, they are a nod to my beloved beta)

Bucky stood in the middle of his living room as hot tears streamed down his face, fists clenched tightly at his sides. Finally, he grabbed the two glasses that had been discarded and took them to the kitchen, throwing them into the sink, shattering both.

“Fuck!” He shouted angrily. Suddenly, he couldn’t hold back any more. Bucky collapsed onto the floor, and began sobbing. He slammed his fists against the hard linoleum and cursed loudly, but it did nothing to dull the pain of Steve’s rejection. _I should’ve known better_.

When he could finally see through his tears, he stood and began picking up the shards of glass, several times they cut into his hands, but he ignored it. Blood dripped over the sink and onto the floor as he took the pieces to the trash, once he’d disposed of it all, Bucky went to the bathroom. Looking at his hands, he found the pain grounding, but he knew he had to bandage the wounds. After running warm water over the cuts, he applied antibacterial ointment, and wrapped his hands in gauze. Gazing around the bathroom, he spotted his mouth wash and quickly grabbed it, rinsing his mouth several times.

 _How could I be so stupid?_ He asked himself as he walked to his bedroom. Bucky crawled into bed and lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling. His hands still burned and he tried to concentrate on that, instead of the ache in his chest. 

Brock had always told Bucky that he’d never find someone who wanted him for more than just his body and it was crushing to imagine he’d been right. _You’re only good for taking dick, Barnes_ , Brock’s voice echoed in his head.

A loud meow cut through his dark thoughts, quickly followed by Alpine jumping onto Bucky’s bed.

“Hey, pretty kitty,” He cooed at her, petting down her back, as she curled up on his chest. “You don’t care if your papa is a complete fool when it comes to men, do you, Alpine?” Bucky scratched under her chin, feeling her purr loudly at the affection. Sighing, he turned his head to look at the clock on his bedside table, and groaned when he saw that it was past midnight.

“Your papa is gonna be late for work tomorrow.” Bucky spoke softly, as Alpine began making biscuits on his pecs. She chirped in reply and Bucky took that as a goodnight. He closed his eyes and hoped he could manage to get a few hours of sleep before he had to get up.  
*  
The following morning, Bucky woke up feeling miserable. Alpine seemed to sense this and stayed by his side, weaving between his legs as he walked to the bathroom. She sat beside the bathtub as he took a shower, and followed him when he headed for the kitchen. It made Bucky smile, knowing she loved him so much, but he still felt a heaviness blanketed over him. 

“God damnit!” Bucky swore upon realizing he was out of coffee. Grumbling, he returned to the bedroom to get dressed in his black dress slacks and a grey button up. After feeding Alpine, and petting her one last time, he headed out but then returned moments later, cursing under his breath as he picked up his camera bag, and slammed the door shut as he left a second time.

Stepping outside, Bucky sighed, seeing the light drizzle come down. He debated going back inside for his umbrella but he knew he was going to be late unless he hurried. Bucky stepped out onto the sidewalk and hurried to the closest coffee shop, his shoulders hunched against the chill. Luckily, as he stepped inside the small cafe, Bucky realized he was the only customer.

He approached the counter and the barista smiled. “Good morning, may I take your order?”

“Yeah, I’ll have a caramel macchiato with three shots and room at top, please.”  
  
The little bell above the door chimed then, and Bucky glanced over his shoulder. He saw a tall, blonde haired man entering, and, for a brief moment, his heart jumped into his throat. After doing a double take, he realized that it wasn’t Steve, and he sagged in relief. When he turned back around, the barista was looking at him with a raised eyebrow. Blushing, Bucky paid him and moved down the counter. The young man behind it was moving quickly, tossing shots into a paper cup before setting it on the bar. Bucky took it and dumped some cream and sweetener in before he rushed out of the shop.

He did his best to savor the coffee as he drank it down quickly, burning his tongue. He managed to finish it just as he reached his destination.

Before him, stood a beautifully built brownstone. Bucky climbed the steps to the front door and rang the bell. After a moment, an elderly woman appeared, eyeing him through the small opening.

“Can I help you?” She asked.

Groaning internally, he hoped she wouldn’t be like the client he’d told Steve about. He extended his hand. “James Barnes, I’m here for the photoshoot for Margaret and Anna.” Bucky gave his most charming smile, and the woman briefly eyed the bandages covering his palm, but then shook his hand gently.

“I’m Margaret.” She turned to enter the house, leading Bucky inside. Her long, silver streaked ginger hair was tied back in a French braid, but she was dressed casually in comfortable looking white cotton slacks, and a plain, dark red tee shirt.

The interior was tastefully decorated, with vintage art and modern decor throughout, creating an almost timeless look. It was all very eye catching and Bucky nearly tripped as he stumbled over a large, black dog lying in the doorway to the living room.

“Be careful of Miles there,” Margaret warned, laughing. “He’s a good boy, but he doesn’t seem to realize he’s the size of a pony.”

“He certainly is a big fella.” Bucky bent down to rub Miles’ ears. “Is he going to be in the photos with you?”

“Yes, Anna will be joining us shortly as well.” She sat on a plush sofa, and Miles lumbered over to join her.

“What kind of dog is he?” 

Margaret shrugged, but smiled as she invited the dog onto the sofa. “Some sort of Newfoundland mix, I suppose, if I had to guess.”

When he heard the sound of soft footsteps approaching, Bucky turned to see a short, elderly woman entering the room. She wore an almost identical outfit as Maragret, but with a navy blue shirt instead.

“Hello, Mr. Barnes, I’m Anna.” She smiled at him as they shook hands.

“You can call me James, ma’am.” Bucky chuckled at her indignant expression.

“I’ll call you James, if you never call me ma’am ever again.” 

“Agreed.” Anna then sat beside Margaret, giving her a soft peck on the lips as their hands clasped together.

“How long have you two been married?” Bucky asked, taking out his camera and equipment.

“We’ve only been married a couple of years, but we’ve been together for…” Margaret turned to Anna. “What is it, sixty years now?”

“Sixty-two, I do believe.” They both giggled, and it warmed Bucky’s heart.

“That’s incredible,” He breathed, truly in awe of their undeniable bond. “Where would you like your photos taken?”

“Right here is fine.” Margaret patted the sofa, and the two women situated themselves on either side of Miles.

Bucky pulled out his tripod and a couple of lights, followed by his bounce cards. “Are these pictures for a special occasion?”

“Nope,” Anna answered, “we like to get a family photo done every year. You never know when it’s going to be your last, and it’s good to be able to look back, to see how happy we’ve been.”

When Bucky turned back to the women, they were holding hands, staring adoringly into one another’s eyes. He hoped that, one day, he’d find a man that he could love that much. Briefly, Bucky wondered, could a man ever love me just as much?

Finding himself suddenly getting choked up, he coughed slightly and kneeled down on the carpet before them, looking for the best angle. “What was your wedding song?”

The women leaned in to kiss one another again, then Margaret replied. “ _Leather and Lace_ by Stevie Knicks and Don Henley.”

Bucky smiled softly and continued moving about, testing out different spaces and lighting.

“Are you married, James?” Anna inquired.

“Uh,” Bucky faltered, “no, I’m not. Don’t exactly have a great track record when it comes to finding a decent man.” 

“Ah, well,” Margaret spoke confidently, “you’re still young. There’s plenty of time for you to find the right one.”

“How’d you two know you were… each other’s right one?” Bucky asked hesitantly.

“Oh, sweetie.” Margaret turned to look at Anna, and Bucky could see the love radiating between them. “You just know.”

Anna added, “Back then, it was illegal to be gay, so we both denied and hid our feelings from one another for a long time. It was painful, and I wish we could have those years back, live them as happily as we are now.”

“It breaks my heart-” Margaret sniffled, and Bucky handed her a handkerchief from his bag. “It breaks my heart to see folks nowadays, so afraid to acknowledge their sexuality, because of the taboo that still exists with it.”

“Not everyone is brave enough to do that. It’s good to see that you have that courage, James, the lucky ones always do.” Anna smiled at her wife, and Bucky felt terribly close to crying.

Bucky’s eyes watered and he stumbled backward. “Is it okay if I use your bathroom?” He asked, trying to hide the croak in his voice.

“Of course, second door on the left.” Anna pointed down the hallway past the foyer.

Bucky followed her directions and gently closed the bathroom door behind him. He gripped the ledge of the sink, concentrating on the pain of his bandaged hands, squeezing his eyes shut. What Anna and Margaret had said made him think of Steve’s face, so full of fear and anxiety. He’d clearly enjoyed kissing Bucky, and what had happened after, yet when he’d felt expected to reciprocate, he panicked. Sure, how he handled it still made Bucky’s chest ache in embarrassment, but maybe…

“No.” Bucky whispered to himself, looking into the mirror in front of him. Steve was a grown adult, he could have at least apologized or explained himself. Instead, he’d left Bucky alone to figure out what he’d done wrong; to stew in his humiliation at being so clearly rejected and unwanted. 

Taking a deep breath, Bucky took a long drink of cold water from the tap, and headed back out to finish the photoshoot. Once he returned, Margaret and Anna quickly changed the subject, and began telling stories about Miles. Bucky was glad that they’d clearly seen his discomfort and chose to halt the discussion, yet he also felt bad for acting so unprofessional while working. 

As the photoshoot came to an end, both ladies walked Bucky to the door and shook his hand. “Thank you so much James, it was lovely to have you here. We’ll definitely contact you the next time we need photographs taken,” Anna said brightly.

“It was my pleasure. I apologize for… my behavior earlier.”

“No need to apologize, dear.” Margaret smiled. “You’re clearly going through a rough patch with someone, and though it’s certainly not any of my business, I’ll leave you with some advice from an old woman.” She inhaled and said, “Never try to change yourself for someone, if a fellow wants to be with you, he’ll accept you for all that you are. Even if they’re afraid of experiencing a new kind of love with you, they’ll keep trying if their feelings are strong enough. As long as they’re trying, give them a chance.”  
*  
When Bucky got home, it was nearly noon, and he already felt exhausted. The photoshoot with Margaret and Anna had been enjoyable, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such kind and fun clients, but it was also emotionally draining. Seeing them together, so in love, and the things they’d told him, it put his mind into overdrive. It made him think of all the times he’d been with someone, thought they were the one, and ended up hurt in the end. Bucky knew he was a diehard romantic, and fell in love too easily, but it didn’t feel fair to have to experience so much heartbreak in one’s life.

He sat down on the sofa and smiled as Alpine ran over to greet him, jumping on his lap and head-butting his chin to say hello.

“Did you get some sleep while I was gone, sweet girl?” Bucky ran his hand over her short, white coat, relaxing further into his seat. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and he debated whether he should just ignore it. When he heard more knocking, Bucky got up. “Ugh, I’m sorry Alpine.” He called after his cat as she glared at him angrily, before retreating to the bedroom.

Looking through the peephole, Bucky grinned. He opened the door, smiling at his friend. “Hey, Thor,” he greeted, “come on in.”

Thor followed Bucky inside, shutting the door behind him. “I’ve only seen you once since your return, it’s a travesty!”

“Well, you know where I live, big guy.” Bucky laughed, returning to his seat on the couch, with Thor plopping down beside him.

“It’s been quite busy at the brewery, or I would have visited sooner.” Thor turned to face Bucky. “How are you, my friend? You look a bit unwell.”

“I’m fine,” Bucky scoffed.

“I beg to differ, you have dark circles under your eyes and you-”

“I just didn’t sleep well last night, that’s all.” Bucky snapped.

Thor looked at him with an eyebrow raised, but clearly got the hint. “Jane is at Darcy’s bachelorette party this evening, you should join me at home. We could have a bit of ale, play some Modern Warfare… that is, if you’re not too tired.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but smiled at the suggestion. Spending a few hours gaming and drinking with Thor was exactly what he needed. “Absolutely, I’m in. What time does Jane head out?”

“Come over any time after seven thirty,” Thor said happily.  
*  
Deciding he wasn’t in the mood to deal with the subway, Bucky splurged and ordered an Uber. Once he arrived at Thor’s massive house, he only had to knock twice on the door before his friend was swinging it open, a wide smile on his face.

“Bucky! You made it!” He said happily.

“Of course I did.” He walked through the doorway. “ Someone’s gotta keep your ass alive,” Bucky laughed, following Thor into his lavish living room. Looking around, he spotted new furniture throughout. “Did you guys redecorate?”

“Yes. Jane insisted.” Thor led Bucky to his gaming room, gesturing for Bucky to sit in one of the recliners. “With the baby due in just a few months, she wanted to replace the pieces that she deemed hazardous.”

“Ah, that makes sense.” Bucky grabbed his controller as Thor retrieved two bottles of his personal ale, brought directly from his brewery, _Asgard_. “I love that I get free drinks from the most well known beer sommelier in the city.”

Thor chuckled. “The benefits of being a loyal friend.”

Ignoring the compliment, Bucky began setting up the game and Thor soon joined him in the adjoining recliner.

After playing, and yelling obscenities, for over an hour, Bucky was more than thankful to his friend for getting him out of his apartment. For the first time in nearly twenty-four hours, the heaviness in his chest lightened. Perhaps, he hoped, this dark cloud that Steve had left behind could finally begin to dissipate.

“Barnes!” Thor bellowed. “What are you doing? I just got hit, why aren’t you watching my back?”

Pulled out of his stupor, Bucky cringed at his error. “Sorry, won’t happen again.”

Thor backed out of the game, completely uninterested in the barrage of hate mail he’d certainly receive. “My friend, it’s time to talk about it.”

“Talk about what?” Bucky frowned, looking away.

“Something is eating at you, Bucky,” Thor stated. “It’s only going to get worse unless you get it off your chest. Come now, let it out. It’ll remain just between the two of us.”

Bucky picked up his bottle and took a long drink. “I did something I knew I shouldn’t have, and now I’m paying the price. That’s all. I will get over it.”

“I’ve known you since high school, you are one of the smartest men I know. What did you do that is causing you such pain?” Thor reached over and gave Bucky’s shoulder a hearty squeeze.

“I… I hooked up with a straight guy, and he freaked out. I thought he was a good guy; funny, smart, kind... incredibly handsome.” Bucky sighed, leaning his head back against his seat. “I know better than to mess around straight guys.”

“Did you like him?”

“I… I really did.” Bucky felt a sadness bubbling inside of himself, it was something he had refused to address. “I thought he liked me, too. Even though I knew he was straight, I thought we had… a connection or something.”

“I’m so sorry, friend. Shame on this man for hurting you in such a cruel manner.” Thor sounded genuinely upset with the situation. “Was it someone I can find and punch in the face?”

Chuckling, Bucky shook his head. “It was, but… I think it’s best if I just move on, forget about him.”

Thor hummed and nodded. “I understand.”

They joined a new party and continued playing well into the night. Bucky did his best to ignore his thoughts on Steve. He was successful until he returned home, and found himself standing exactly where Steve had kissed him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have officially finished writing this fic! 
> 
> There will be 7 chapters in total, and chapters will be posted on Tuesdays and Wednesdays :)

For the third day in a row, Steve found himself sitting at his kitchen table, crumpled up pieces of paper scattered across the floor, and a blank sketch pad in front of him. Concentrating on his work was nearly impossible these days, as he found himself drowning in guilt and shame; he hated himself for what he’d done to Bucky. His thoughts revolved around what Bucky must’ve felt when Steve had left him without a word. He’d never treated anyone so poorly in his life, and it ate away at him painfully.

To make things worse, Sam had texted him repeatedly.  
  
 _What’d you think of Bucky?_  
 _Did you get along pretty well?_  
 _Why aren’t you answering me? I know you’ve seen my messages._  
 _What did you do to upset yourself so much?_

Steve wanted to throw his phone out a window; he hated that Sam knew him so well. 

He knew he’d have to reply eventually or Sam would, no doubt, just break down Steve’s door, claiming a wellness visit was in order. What was he supposed to say, though? Sorry Sam, I let your childhood friend go down on me, and then I left without so much as an apology. Steve knew there was no way of getting out of this shit hole that he’d dug himself, but he hoped he could at least put it off just a little bit longer.

Another issue that worried him, would Bucky tell Sam? Steve asked himself this dozens of times but he just didn’t know Bucky well enough to even hypothesise what he’d do, or who he’d tell. Steve assumed that if Bucky had told Sam, he would know, because Sam would certainly contact him and ask Steve what the fuck was wrong with him. Or maybe he’d choose to disown Steve, and never contact him again. Either way Steve knew he didn’t deserve to be forgiven. Not by Sam _or_ Bucky. Steve knew he had to at least try, though. More than anything, Bucky deserved an apology, and Steve would not deny him that.  
*  
Steve walked the two blocks that took him to Sam’s apartment, grateful that he lived so close, as it began to sprinkle lightly. When he finally reached his destination, Steve knocked on the door, and it took only a moment before it was being swung open.

“You made it!” Sam exclaimed, pulling Steve inside. “I was beginning to wonder if you-”

“Steve!” Clint interrupted Sam, running toward Steve, and enveloping him in a tight hug.

Hugging him back, though not as excitedly, Steve patted his friend’s back. “Clint, we saw each other last weekend. We see each other every weekend for movie night.”

Sam chuckled. “He does this every time, it’s pointless to even question it at this point.”

Steve shrugged off his coat, once Clint finally released him and walked back to the living room. Sam stepped closer, cornering him, and Steve began to panic.

“You okay?” Sam whispered. “I was wondering if something happened. I started gettin’ a little worried.”

“Oh,” Steve huffed out, relief washing over him. “I’m fine. Just been busy with work.”

Sam eyed him closely but eventually nodded and backed up. “There’s already food and drinks in the living room, we’ll start the movie in just a minute.”

Steve took a deep breath once Sam had retreated to the kitchen, then headed for the table to load a plate. He froze when he spotted Bucky, talking with Thor. The panic that had dissipated quickly overcame him again, as felt the blood drain from his face. When Bucky glanced around, he clearly spotted Steve, his eyes briefly looking him over, before turning away.

“Alright, folks! Who’s ready for Night of The Living Dead?” Sam cheered, and everyone groaned. “Y’all just don’t understand groundbreaking cinema when you see it.”

He clapped Steve on the back and pushed him into the living room. Bucky was sitting on the loveseat with Thor, but Thor quickly got up and took the larger cushion on the couch. Steve rushed to claim the last open seat on the sofa, but Sam beat him to it, and he froze. Standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, his friends all eyed him in annoyance.

“Dude, move your ass! We’ve got a masterpiece to watch.” Sam frowned at him.

“S-sorry.” Steve thought about sitting on the floor, but knew that would draw the attention of everyone, especially with a spot available on the loveseat. Reluctantly, he joined Bucky, pressing himself close to the armrest, keeping as much distance between them as possible. Bucky seemed to notice, sighing and rolling his eyes. It made Steve feel even worse, but there was nothing he could do until they were alone, if Bucky would even allow that. Steve couldn’t just apologize in the middle of movie night, not with all his friends sitting around. He’d hoped to keep them from ever finding out what had happened between himself and Bucky.

An hour in, Sam paused the movie. “Intermission! Anyone need anything from the kitchen, or to use the bathroom, do it now.”

Bucky remained seated as everyone on the couch headed out of the living room. Steve considered leaving as well, just to give Bucky space. He wondered if, maybe, Bucky hadn’t left because he was expecting Steve to say or do something. Taking a deep breath, he decided to do exactly that.

“Bucky,” He began, and Bucky turned to him with a cocked eyebrow, though his face remained expressionless. “I-I want to apologize for what happened the other night.” To his surprise, Bucky blinked as if he hadn’t been expecting that. “I was a total asshole, and I can’t imagine how much you hate me right now.” Bucky crossed his arms, but didn’t reply, so Steve went on. “When I said I was sure about… wanting you, I meant it. I ended up feeling overwhelmed by what I was feeling, but if we could go back-”

“What? If we could go back, you’d do what? Would you have stayed? Gotten on your knees and sucked my dick, instead of running away, leaving me to feel completely unwanted and used?”

Steve took a deep breath, mad at himself for causing Bucky to feel either of those things. He decided Bucky deserved the truth, though, no matter how much it scared Steve. “I would’ve done exactly that.”

“Prove it.” Bucky shot him a look that made Steve’s heart speed up.

“Y-you want me to...” Steve trailed off, Bucky couldn’t possibly mean it. Could he?

“Yeah, I fucking mean it. If that’s what you truly wanted, prove it, and I’ll forgive you.” Bucky lifted his chin defiantly, clearly expecting Steve to turn him down.

“When?” Steve replied, holding back a grin at the sight of Bucky’s eyes widening dramatically.

Quickly schooling his features, Bucky answered, “After the movie.”

“Here?” Steve asked incredulously.

“Of course not,” Bucky nearly snorted, but kept a straight face. “You live right around the corner, we can just go there.”

Before he could respond, Sam and Clint returned to the living room, shortly followed by Thor. Glancing at Bucky for a moment, Steve could see a cocksure grin on his face.   
*  
As the credits began to roll, Steve found himself wiping his sweaty palms on his pants. When he looked at Bucky, he was turned away, talking to Clint. It made Steve nervous, how casual he was acting; was Bucky just fucking with him? Trying to get back at him for what he’d done? Maybe he wanted Steve to blow him, just so he could walk out on him. Tit for tat. Right? Steve couldn’t explain it, even to himself, but he wanted… more with Bucky. He wanted to see where these feelings took him, but how could he convince Bucky to take that chance with him? Steve wondered if he had the courage to even try to pursue Bucky.

“Welp.” Bucky stood, glancing inconspicuously at Steve. “I’ve gotta head out now, but I had a great time. Can’t wait to do this again next week.”

“Y-yeah, I should get home now, too,” Steve mumbled.

“Alright, guys, it was good to see you both. Have a good night.” Sam and the others waved their goodbyes as the two men walked out.

Once they’d reached the sidewalk, Bucky turned to Steve. “You don’t have to do this, you know that, right?”

“I know.” Steve was surprised by how steady his voice sounded. “I want to. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t.” When he saw how unsure Bucky looked, he gently touched his shoulder. “If you don’t want me to, just say the word. I don’t want to do anything that you’re not comfortable with. I understand if you were just trying to get your point across in there.”

Bucky shook his head. “I wasn’t just trying to get my point across. I want to know what I missed out on that night.”

Steve blushed as he huffed out a laugh, and began walking in the direction of his apartment. “I’m sure it’ll be your worst experience, ever. I’ve never done this before, but hopefully you can, I don’t know... maybe look back and laugh about it with your next boyfriend or something.”

“I’ve learned that it’s best to just think about what you like, and try to copy that.” Bucky fell in step with Steve, as they walked side by side.

“Oh,” Steve looked away, embarrassed. “I… I’ve only had one girlfriend before, and she didn’t do… that.”

“Well,” Bucky answered after thinking for a moment, “did you like what I did?

“Uh, yeah, definitely.” Steve could feel his cheeks heating up, again.

“Just do that, then.” He gave Steve a reassuring smile, and it surprised him. 

Bucky wasn’t judging or laughing at Steve for his lack of experience, instead he was trying to help and encourage him. It stunned him, and he wondered how this guy was even real.

“Okay,” Steve responded belatedly, as they reached his building.

Bucky followed him into his apartment and turned to Steve as he was shutting the door behind them. “Do you want me to take my shoes off?”

“Um, yes, please.” 

Once they’d both kicked their shoes off, Steve suddenly felt like an ass as he stood there, feeling incredibly unsure of himself. He eventually decided it would probably be more comfortable, for both of them, if they went to the living room. That way Bucky could sit on the couch, and Steve would have the plush carpet to kneel on. 

Gently placing his hand on the small of Bucky’s back, Steve silently led him to the living room. “Here, you can sit on the couch.”

“What a gentleman.” Bucky chuckled, but didn’t sit down. “I’m not exactly… ready for the main event, if you know what I mean. Would you be comfortable, um-”

Steve stepped into Bucky’s space and kissed him, reliving what they’d done before. Bucky’s hands went straight to Steve’s shoulders, and they moaned into each other’s mouths. After a moment, Bucky’s arms slowly lowered down Steve’s body, and onto his hips. His fingers began teasing at the hem of Steve’s shirt, and Steve got the hint, loud and clear. He stepped away briefly as he pulled off his shirt and tossed it aside. Bucky’s hands began roaming over his body slowly, as though he was mapping out every inch and dedicating it to memory. Steve tugged, not so subtly at Bucky’s shirt then, and it was quickly divested of, allowing him to run his hands over Bucky’s soft, smooth skin.

When Steve felt himself already getting hard, he moved his hips back, not wanting Bucky to think it was something he had to deal with. Bucky seemed to have other ideas, though, as he grabbed Steve’s hips and pulled him against his own body. Feeling Bucky’s erection pressing into him, Steve couldn’t resist thrusting forward. None of the fear or hesitation tainted his mind this time, only sheer lust.

“Okay,” Bucky panted after a few minutes, “I’m ready.” He looked into Steve’s eyes, clearly looking for any signs of regret or panic.

Steve smiled at him, and leaned in for another soft kiss. “Good, take a seat.”

Bucky sat on the couch, but continued to look hesitant, and Steve couldn’t help feeling guilty. He knew he was at fault for Bucky’s reservations. 

Kneeling before him, Steve ran his hands up and down Bucky’s thighs, taking in the sight of the obvious bulge in his pants. Unable to stop himself, he mouthed over it, causing Bucky to gasp loudly.

“Can you get these off for me?” Steve rasped as he opened the button and pulled down the zipper. Bucky nodded as he began sliding his jeans down to his knees, exposing his blue boxer briefs. Precome had stained the front of them and Steve moaned when he saw it. The sight had Steve quickly tugging at them, assisting Bucky as he lifted his hips, allowing them to be yanked down.

“What do you think?” Buck smiled shyly, wrapping a hand around his cock, and Steve couldn’t pull his eyes away from the sight.

“Never thought I’d consider another man’s dick beautiful, but here I am.” 

Bucky threw his head back, laughing loudly, before looking back down at Steve. “I’m glad to be leaving a good impression, but I meant, are you still okay with this?”

Looking directly into Bucky’s eyes, Steve leaned forward and lapped at the precome beading at the tip of his cock. He watched as Bucky’s pupils dilated, before wrapping his lips around the tip and bobbing his head. The way Bucky moaned had Steve’s own erection aching in his pants, but he continued to ignore it the best he could. He would definitely have to excuse himself to the bathroom afterward.

The feeling of Bucky’s fingers running through his hair pulled Steve out of his thoughts, and he relished in the comforting touch. Remembering what Bucky had told him, Steve began trying to replicate what Bucky had done to him. He licked his way up the shaft, leaving sloppy, wet kisses along the way, then took Bucky’s cock into his hand, and began stroking it as he sucked one of his balls into his mouth. Bucky moaned loudly, tightening his grip on Steve’s hair, but it only urged Steve on as he licked and sucked on the other one. He then went back to Bucky’s cock, lowering his head as far down as he could. When he accidentally went too deep, he could feel his eyes watering as he tried to suppress the gag it had caused.

“Hey,” Bucky lifted Steve’s head. “You okay?” He asked, gently wiping away a tear that began rolling down Steve’s cheek.

“Yeah, just got a little overambitious, I guess. Am I… doing alright?” Steve felt his cheeks heating up, and he wondered how Bucky continued to have this effect on him.

“You’re doing very alright.” Bucky grinned at him. “I have an idea, though. If you’re interested.”

“Um, okay, what is it?” Steve inquired hesitantly.

“You ever heard of frottage?” Bucky gave a small smile.

Raising an eyebrow, Steve answered, “Isn’t that when two guys just rut against each other?”

“Well, hands are usually involved, too. Would you be interested in trying that?”

Steve was stunned by the proposal, how could Bucky want to do something like that with him? Regardless, Steve found himself nodding. “Absolutely.”

“Awesome, just take off your pants and boxers, then get on my lap.” Bucky situated himself on the couch more comfortably and patted his lap.

Swallowing down his nerves, Steve did as Bucky asked, removing his pants and boxers, before straddling his lap. Feeling his bare cock against Bucky’s was an exhilarating experience, and Steve let out an embarrassing whimper as Bucky wrapped his hand around them both. He could only gasp as Bucky began stroking their cocks enthusiastically.

“Mmm, that feel good, Steve?” Bucky’s voice already sounded strained, and it aroused Steve in ways he couldn’t comprehend. 

“So good, feels so good. Don’t stop, please,” Steve begged, and he didn’t care how wanton he sounded. Time seemed to slow down, just as it had the last time they were together, and Steve didn’t care how long he sat there. All that mattered was that he could continue thrusting his cock against Bucky’s. The sensation was foreign to Steve, but he loved it nonetheless.

“Fuck,” Bucky began moaning loudly, “you gonna come with me? Huh? You wanna blow your load all over me when I start coming?”

Steve felt his cock leaking at a steady rate, and the heat coiling in his abdomen told him he was already close. “God, yes, want it, Buck.”

“So close, baby, want you to come with me.” Bucky was breathing heavily, and he began stroking their cocks faster.

“O-oh! I’m coming, I’m com-'' Steve groaned, and tightened his grip on Bucky's shoulders, as his orgasm overtook him. Watching himself come all over Bucky’s cock and stomach had to be the hottest thing he’d ever seen in his life. 

“Steve!” Bucky moaned his name as ribbons of come shot over his hand and onto his torso.

As he tried to catch his breath, Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky’s broad shoulders and lowered his head to rest against him. It surprised Steve when he felt Bucky’s hand running up and down his back, but it caused him to feel a warmth blooming inside of his chest. He wasn’t sure how long they sat there, embracing one another, but Steve enjoyed every second of it.

“I should clean up,” Bucky said softly, almost in a whisper, and dropped his hand away. Steve missed it immediately.

“Right, of course.” Steve felt an ache filling his chest as he stood, watching Bucky grab his discarded shirt and walk toward the bathroom. He pulled his pants and boxers back on, ignoring the drying come still covering his cock. 

When Bucky returned, fully dressed, an awkward silence fell between them. Steve wanted Bucky to stay, but he knew that wasn’t in the cards for him. Bucky got his rocks off with Steve, and that was all he’d wanted, not any kind of relationship with Steve. _Is that even what I really want?_ He thought to himself. Swallowing thickly around the lump in his throat, Steve wondered if there was a right thing to say at a moment like this.

“Do… do you want something to drink?” He asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Bucky shook his head, saying, “I should get going.” Steve’s heart sank but he nodded. Bucky maintained eye contact, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I need to feed my cat... and edit some photos.”

“Right,” Steve repeated, lowering his gaze, hoping Bucky wouldn’t see the disappointment on his face.

Bucky walked to the door and slid his shoes back on. He turned to Steve for a moment, and they simply stared at one another for a long moment. Just when Steve was sure Bucky was about to leave, Bucky was in front of him again, pulling him into a deep kiss. Before Steve could even get his hands on Bucky, he’d stepped away, looking at him wide eyed, seemingly as shocked as Steve was.

“I’ll see you around,” Bucky breathed a moment later and then walked to the door, exiting with a blush on his cheeks and a small smile on his lips.  
*  
Steve stood there staring at the door for nearly a minute before he was able to finally shake himself out of the stupor he’d fallen into. He walked to the bathroom, feeling as though his mind was on autopilot, and turned the shower on. After he’d fully disrobed, Steve looked at himself in the mirror and realized he had a ridiculously dopey grin on his face. Shaking his head, Steve stepped into the bathtub and began washing himself, starting with his groin. He soaped up his hands and ran them over his cock and lower abdomen, rinsing away his, and Bucky’s, dried come from his body.

After he finished cleaning up, Steve dried himself off, and headed for his bedroom. He pulled on a new pair of boxers and pajama pants before walking into the living room. When he approached the couch, his heart sped up. _I sucked Bucky’s cock there_ , he thought to himself, and as he continued to think about it, Steve began feeling something unexpected. It wasn’t regret, or fear, or even arousal; instead, he only felt affection when he thought of Bucky. The way he’d checked in with Steve more than once; how he’d asked Steve to come with him; and… the way Bucky had called him baby, it caused a hitch in Steve’s breathing.

He’d never been given a pet name like that, though he’d never really thought about it. Peggy had been a serious woman and she didn’t do things like that. Sex had always felt more perfunctory than anything fun or enjoyable. Even orgasming was nothing more than a means to an end. With Bucky, though, Steve had experienced the most incredible orgasm he’d ever had, the pleasure of his cock against Bucky’s, and thrusting into Bucky’s hand, had turned him on more than anything in his life. 

Then, Steve thought about the kiss Bucky had given him before he’d left. He wondered if Bucky had, maybe, felt something between them the way Steve had... Shaking his head, Steve sighed. More likely, Steve thought to himself, that Bucky was just still high on endorphins and seeking one more physical connection with him.

“What the hell am I doing?” He groaned out loud, rubbing his hands over his face, before flopping onto the couch.   
*  
Steve spent the following days making up all the work he’d put off. Being cooped up in his apartment for so long drove him crazy, but knew his deadlines were looming, and he needed the money. He still found himself constantly thinking about Bucky, but for completely different reasons. Even though Steve knew he could never have a relationship with Bucky, he hoped that, at least, they could maintain a civil friendship. Having the same group of friends, it would be difficult if the tension between them continued. Bucky hadn’t seemed upset with him when he left, though, and Steve wanted to believe that meant he’d been forgiven. 

Just as he was packing up his art supplies and placing his finished work in their proper place, Steve’s phone pinged, indicating a text. He picked it up and swiped, reading the message.

_Thor: Are you able to make it to the gym today?_

Steve checked over his work schedule, making sure he was, in fact, done with everything, before sending a reply.

_Steve: Yeah, all done here. Meet you there at our reg time._

Looking at the time, Steve saw that he had an hour before he was due. He made himself a BLT, sat on the couch, and turned on the TV. Steve nearly dropped his sandwich on his lap when he saw what was playing on the screen: _Brokeback Mountain_. 

Picking up the remote to change the channel, Steve hesitated, watching how Ennis struggled against Jack’s advances, before finally letting go and giving in to his true feelings, both sexually and emotionally. Steve usually felt indifferent when it came to gay sex scenes, so he was surprised how emotional he was now feeling. Watching the two men reunite with such a passionate kiss, with so much desire, it made him think of Bucky. Suddenly uncomfortable with this feeling of vulnerability, Steve turned off the TV. When he looked down at his sandwich, he realized he’d lost his appetite, and placed it in the fridge.

Steve packed up his gym bag and headed out the door, hoping the fresh air would help calm his mind. He got on his motorcycle and sped off, arriving almost a half hour early. He changed in the locker room before getting on one of the treadmills to wait for Thor. Zayde Wolf’s energizing voice flowed from his earbuds as he zoned out, jogging at a moderate pace.

“Steve!” Thor’s voice echoed through the entire room and Steve turned off his music. 

“Hey, Thor.” Steve shut down the machine and walked over to his friend, giving him a one armed bro hug. “I didn’t even realize how long I’d been on there. How’ve you been?”

“I am doing well! Jane had an ultrasound yesterday, and the little guy looks healthy as a horse.” Thor beamed, and Steve smiled in return. “Would you like to see a picture?”

“Um,” Steve stalled, not at all wanting to look at a photo of what he thought looked like lasagna. Thor always shared them with everyone, though, and Steve nodded his head, knowing it was the polite thing to do. “Yeah, absolutely.”

Thor pulled out his phone and showed Steve several pictures. “This here,” He pointed out, “is his little hand, and here is his penis!” 

Steve squinted, trying to make out the body parts, and felt weird looking for a fetus’ genitals. “Huh, yeah, that’s pretty cool.”

“Thank you, my friend. Now, let us get to sparring.” Thor clapped Steve on the shoulder, nearly knocking him over, and headed to the locker room to change.

Not long into their first round, Thor already had Steve on his back for the third time. Helping Steve off the floor, Thor started up a conversation, like he always did, and Steve wondered how he never sounded out of breath.

“It is good to see you and Bucky becoming friends,” He said, getting into position again.

“Uh, yeah, he seems like a nice guy,” Steve hedged.

“He recently experienced a painful rejection,” Thor commented, ducking to avoid Steve’s next swing. “A new friend could be exactly what he needs at a time like this.” 

“What?” Steve gasped, only just managing to keep from falling on his face.

Thor held up a hand, saying, “One moment. I need a small break.”

While Thor went to take a drink from his water bottle, Steve allowed himself to take several deep breaths. He needed to compose himself, despite the sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Yes, it’s true.” Thor returned a moment later. “It was unfortunate to hear. Bucky is a good man and he’s been through a lot. His last relationship was quite…” He paused briefly before going on, “Well, it isn’t my place to say, but it wasn’t good for him, and to have experienced another blow so soon after… it fills me with rage.”

“Oh.” Steve suddenly felt sluggish as he thought about what Bucky may have told Thor. “D-did he tell you who it was?”

Thor shook his head, nailing Steve right in the jaw with his padded fist. “He chose to keep the man’s identity to himself, although I asked if he’d like me to cause some bodily harm to the asshole. He declined, saying he just wanted to forget about the incident and move on.”

“That makes sense,” Steve mumbled as he rubbed his jaw, adding nothing more. The remaining fifteen minutes he spent allowing Thor to beat the snot out of him, feeling completely deserving of it.

Once they’d finished their session and were showering in the locker room, Thor questioned him.

“What happened with you out there?”

Steve shrugged, looking away. “Just feeling a bit tired, I guess.”

“I see.” Thor raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, but said nothing more. 

As they exited the gym, Thor turned to him. “Steve, I could see that you weren’t yourself after I told you about Bucky, but he will be okay. He is a strong man with good friends, including you, that will help him get through this rough patch.”

“Right, definitely.” Steve didn’t have it in him to look Thor in the eye, fearing that his face would reveal his true feelings.

Thor clapped him on the back once more. “Get some rest, Steve. It’s no fun when you just let me wipe the floor with you.”

As Steve climbed back onto his motorcycle and pulled out of the parking lot, he promised himself that he would do everything in his power to make up for his despicable actions. Even if Bucky thought they were somehow even, Steve knew he needed to do more. Bucky deserved more. He wasn’t sure where these thoughts were coming from, and he tried to push them away. He couldn’t have romantic feelings for a man, not even Bucky. Even if he did want more than a platonic relationship with Bucky, Steve knew that the man was out of his league.


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky sat on the crowded subway, sandwiched between a middle aged businessman that reeked of cologne, and an obese woman eating sauerkraut out of a ziplock bag, but found that he barely noticed either of them. Instead, Bucky had a civil war going on inside his mind, two opposing sides fighting about what had transpired with Steve. On one hand, it had been incredibly satisfying. The way Steve had touched and kissed him made Bucky feel like a deity being worshipped; the sounds Steve made as he begged and whined were forever stored away in Bucky’s spank bank; and the way he’d slumped on top of Bucky afterward, seemingly taking comfort in being held. All of it had been unforgettable. 

However, Bucky knew there would be repercussions.

He nibbled at his bottom lip as he reached his stop, exited the subway car, and began walking home. Bucky cursed at himself in frustration, he had known the first time that it was a bad decision to hook up with a straight guy, and yet he’d done it again. Instead of just accepting Steve’s apology and moving on, he’d actually propositioned him. _What is it about you, Steve Rogers?_

When he finally reached his apartment, Alpine came running up to him, meowing and rubbing against his legs. “I’m happy to see you, too.” Bucky petted her a few times before going to the living room and collapsing on the couch. Trying to calm his mind, Bucky brought each thought forward to examine. The first, being the way Steve had behaved before and during the sexual acts.

Steve had seemed both nervous and excited on the way to his apartment, and Bucky wasn’t sure exactly what had Steve feeling that way. Nervous, he could understand; Steve had never been with a man in that way. But excited? Steve had definitely been enthusiastic during the blowjob, just thinking about it had Bucky’s toes curling. Was it possible that Steve actually wanted him? Or was it the exhilaration of doing something so out of his comfort zone, something so taboo? 

Bucky wasn’t able to explain why, but he wanted Steve to want him.

Groaning loudly, Bucky could only imagine what this meant for their next encounter. As he thought about it, he realized it would be next weekend, during movie night. How would Steve treat him after all that they’d done? He’d certainly been, or at least appeared to be, genuinely apologetic for his behavior that first night, but was that only because he felt bad for being such an ass, or did he truly care about having hurt Bucky? Did he really care if Bucky forgave him? Or did he just want to keep the peace between them, to keep their friends from finding out?

Bucky knew that Steve didn’t want them to find out, that had been evident in the way he had blatantly ignored Bucky while they were at Sam’s. No matter how apologetic he’d been; no matter how much he’d enjoyed it, Steve was still keeping it a secret. Out of embarrassment, Bucky was sure. Their… affair was his dirty little secret.

Bucky closed his eyes as he felt tears spilling over, and Alpine suddenly jumped on his chest, clearly having sensed Bucky’s sudden melancholy. “I don’t want to like him, Alpine.” He told her, petting her soft fur. “And I don’t want to care if he likes me… So why do I?” Alpine merely stared at him and he could only sigh. “What have I gotten myself into?”

He couldn’t deny that he felt something for Steve, regardless of how much he didn’t want to. He could only hope those feelings would dissipate in time, when it finally hit him that Steve was truly out of his reach.

Bucky was startled out of his depressing thoughts as his phone began ringing, and Alpine gave him a dirty look as he rummaged through his pocket. Grumbling as he finally retrieved it, he could only wonder who was calling him, instead of texting like a normal person. It was then that he noticed he had several missed texts from Thor, who was now calling him. Bucky answered, “Hey, Thor, what’s up?”

“Oh good, you are okay.” Thor breathed a sigh of relief. “I texted you multiple times, inquiring if you made it home safely. When you didn’t respond, I became worried.”

“I’m so sorry, I-” Bucky bit his lip, thinking of an honest explanation that also wasn’t the full truth. “I was hanging out with Steve for a bit, must not have heard my phone.”

“That’s excellent news.” Bucky could hear the smile in Thor’s voice. “Steve is a good man, not a foul bone in his body. I knew you two would become fast friends.”

Bucky felt his face heating up, but couldn’t help chuckling at Thor’s eclectic vocabulary. “Yeah, he’s, uh, very thoughtful.”

“He certainly is. I must go now, I just wanted to be sure that you were safe.”

“Thanks, Thor. I’ll talk to you later.” Bucky ended the call and stared at his phone for a moment.

_I should have gotten Steve’s number_. He frowned at the thought. Why would he need Steve’s number? It wasn’t like they had any reason to stay in touch.

Sighing, he crawled off the couch and headed for the bathroom, knowing his half-assed wash up at Steve’s could only take him so far. He undressed and got in the shower, scrubbing the rest of the mess away. Once he’d finished, he dried himself off and put his bathrobe on, then returned to the couch. He had the next few days off of work and he tried to smile.

“Should I go to Multiverse, Alpine?” He questioned, searching the room for her. “I think I will.” 

I deserve it, he thought, after all the shit I’ve put myself through the past week.  
*

He stepped into the large comic book shop and the owner waved to him. Even though he hadn’t been in town long, Bucky had quickly established himself as a regular. He nodded in return, then headed to the display rack of new releases and began sifting through them carefully. Suddenly, he heard a familiar, deep timbered voice coming from the other side of the store and he stopped in his tracks. Looking up, Bucky’s eyes located Steve almost immediately. He was standing near the vintage comics… with his arm around a gorgeous redhead. 

They were laughing and pointing to different memorabilia on the shelves and Bucky felt his stomach drop. Staring for a long moment, he released a shaky breath.

He knew that Steve was a straight man… regardless of the things they’d done together, he was going to continue to be attracted to women, and he’d continue to be with _them_. Not with Bucky. 

Turning back to the comic books, he took several deep breaths. He clenched his jaw and forced his attention back to the shelves. If he found what he wanted, he could sneak out without Steve spotting him.

But that was a fool’s dream, and Bucky was definitely a fool.

“Bucky?” Steve called out but Bucky pretended not to hear him, still trying to reel in his inexplicable feelings. “Buck?” 

He felt Steve’s large hand on his shoulder and turned around, plastering a smile to his face. His attention was stolen by the mystery woman. “Uh, hi.” Bucky hated how bitter his voice sounded and he tried to soften it. “How’ve you been?”

“Good,” Steve answered, then turned to the redhead, “Bucky, this is my good friend, Natasha.”

Natasha extended her hand and Bucky shook it. “Nice to meet you, Natasha.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Bucky. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name.” She glanced at Steve with a sly smile and Bucky felt like he was being left out of a personal joke. 

“Oh, well.” Bucky couldn’t imagine that Steve would’ve told her about the things they’d done, and it left him wondering what he _had_ told her. “Nothing bad, I hope.”

“Far from it.” Again, she smiled at Steve before pulling her phone out. “Oh dear, look at the time,” she announced. “I’ve got to run. It was nice to meet you, Bucky. See you around, Rogers.”

Steve could only stammer as they both watched Natasha walk out of the shop. 

“Is she your girlfriend?” Bucky blurted out and immediately regretted it.

“What? Nat?” Steve barked out a laugh. “No, definitely not. More like a scary big sister, even though I’m technically older.”

“Oh.” Bucky sighed internally, hating how relieved he felt. “She seems nice.”

“She is, as long as you stay on her good side.” Steve looked down at the comic book in Bucky’s hands. “ _The Walking Dead_ , huh? Haven’t read that series.” He gestured toward a large display. “I’m more of an _X-Men_ fan myself.”

“Uh, yeah, _X-Men_ is… yeah, I like them.” Bucky swallowed thickly, noticing the Wolverine tee shirt that stretched tightly across Steve’s glorious tits.

“So, how’ve you been?” Steve asked, glancing around, and Bucky wondered if he was worried about being caught talking to him. 

“Finer than frog hair.” Bucky answered lamely, relishing Steve’s perplexed expression, followed by a burst of laughter.

“That’s a new one.” Steve smiled brightly and Bucky felt weak in the knees. _Damnit_.

“Yeah, I’ve only ever heard my dad use that one.” Bucky felt his cheeks tinge pink at Steve’s soft expression. “H-how’ve you been?”

“I’ve been… good. Got some projects done and went sparring with Thor the other day.”

Bucky blanched at that. “You spar with _Thor_?”

“Yeah, but it’s usually more him putting me on my back than anything.”

Gaping like a fish out of water, Bucky tried to think of an appropriate response. 

“Shit.” Steve ran his hand over his face. “That came out really wrong.”

“I…” Bucky’s brain seemed to be malfunctioning because suddenly he was struggling to remember how the English language worked. Instead, he just shrugged and did his best to laugh. 

“Um, w-would you like a ride home?” Steve sputtered, obviously trying to change the subject. “I mean, whenever you’re done? No rush.”

Bucky glanced at the front door but was unsure of what he was looking for, then turned back to Steve. “I was just gonna take the train.”

“Right.” Steve looked down at his feet and Bucky thought he looked disappointed. “Well, I drove my bike here, so if you want a lift, it wouldn’t be a problem.” When he looked back up, his eyes had widened, and he rushed to finish. “It’s fine if you don’t want to. I just thought I’d ask.”

Bucky licked his lips. “You have a motorcycle?”

Steve’s face seemed to brighten at the question. “Yeah, I love riding, it definitely beats taking the subway.”

Steve’s enthusiasm seemed infectious as Bucky smiled at him, and he found himself nodding his assent at the offer. “Okay, I’ll take you up on that offer then.”  
*  
Once they’d paid for their comic books, they headed out to Steve’s motorcycle, parked in front of the store. Bucky stared at it hesitantly. “To be honest, I’ve never been on one.”

Steve gave him that soft smile again, and Bucky’s insides turned to mush. “I promise I’ll follow all traffic laws, and you’ll get home without a strand of your perfect hair out of place.”

Bucky could feel the blush on his cheeks spreading down his chest and he was sure smoke would be coming out of his ears at any moment. Steve, on the other hand, was chuckling as he tossed Bucky his helmet. “My hair is definitely gonna be out of place wearing this.”

“You can always fix it when you get home. No one will see,” Steve answered as he mounted the bike, and Bucky found himself salivating at the sight. 

_He sat on my lap like tha_ t, his brain, oh so helpfully, reminded him.

Bucky put the helmet on, glad for a moment to avert his gaze, and cautiously climbed on the seat behind Steve. “You’ll see it, though,” He mumbled to himself.

Steve hesitated for a moment before he said, “Um, you can hold onto the sides of your seat, or, if you’re comfortable with it, you can just hold onto me. I won’t mind.” 

Bucky glanced down at the side of the seat and easily imagined his hands slipping, his demise following quickly after. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around Steve’s narrow yet solid waist, and as the bike eased out into the street, Bucky instinctively tightened his hold. 

Traffic was surprisingly light and the ride was significantly less traumatic than Bucky had expected. Steve was an excellent driver and, as he’d promised, he obeyed every traffic law, though Bucky hadn’t doubted him. Going around one particularly tight corner, Steve reached down and held onto Bucky’s arm. The gesture had him feeling unexpectedly safe and… something else he couldn’t explain. Cared for? _No_ , he said to himself, _he’s just making sure I don’t fall off and die. He doesn’t care about me._

They couldn’t speak during the ride but, once they parked near Bucky’s building, Steve helped Bucky dismount from the bike, before hopping off and removing his helmet. “How was that?” He asked with a smile.

“Um, it was good. Fun,” Bucky answered, handing his own helmet back. When he saw the way Steve was looking at him, a shiver ran down Bucky’s spine. He wanted Steve to always look at him that way. “Would you… like to come up? I could make you something for lunch? As a thank you.” Bucky had no idea where the offer had come from but he couldn’t find it in himself to regret asking. Not yet, anyway.

“You don’t have to.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck, looking away, and Bucky thought he looked adorable.

“I know.” Bucky bit his bottom lip and saw the way Steve’s eyes were drawn to his mouth. “I want to.”

_What are you doing, Bucky??_

“Okay,” he finally answered, “that sounds nice. Thanks.” Steve followed him into the building and Bucky could feel how close he was.

When Bucky reached his apartment, he pulled out his keys with shaking hands. As soon as the door began opening, he felt Steve’s hands ghosting over his hips, and he gasped. No matter how much he wanted to convince himself not to, at that moment, Bucky wanted nothing more than to feel Steve touching his naked body.

As soon as the door was shut and locked, he couldn’t hold back any longer. Spinning around, Bucky found that Steve was already leaning in to kiss him. He pressed Bucky against the wall and began fucking his tongue into Bucky’s mouth, without an ounce of the hesitation that accompanied their usual encounters.

Bucky’s hands roamed wildly over Steve’s body before finally landing on his pecs. He squeezed them firmly and Steve moaned loudly, thrusting his hips against Bucky’s. When he felt Steve’s hard cock pressing against his own, Bucky could only grind himself against it, sparks of excitement shooting up his spine. Bucky was the reason Steve was hard and moaning wantonly, and it only made his cock throb harder.

Bucky pulled back, letting his eyes wander over Steve’s body. He bit his lip as he recalled how solid Steve had felt as he sat on Bucky’s lap, radiating heat like the goddamn sun, and the way he-

“Bucky?” Steve murmured and Bucky realized his eyes had slid shut.

“W-what?” He stuttered with embarrassment.

“You falling asleep?” He questioned. “I didn’t mean to be so boring.”

“No!” Bucky straightened his posture. “I was just… thinking.”

Steve gave a predatory grin and pressed his body against Bucky’s. “Thinking about what?” He asked with hooded eyes.

“To be honest,” Bucky rasped, reaching out to run his hand down Steve’s chest, “I was thinking about how good you looked on top of me.”

“Shit, Bucky,” Steve groaned, grabbing Bucky’s hips.

“Yeah, you liked it, too, huh?” Lowering one hand down the front of Steve’s pants, Bucky could feel his erection.

“I did, I… you felt so good, Buck.” Steve was panting now, his hips bucking forward.

Bucky gave a firm squeeze, watching Steve’s lips part as he moaned. “Can I touch you, Stevie? Would you like that?”

“I want it, want you.”

“Mmm, tell me what you want me to do, baby,” Bucky whispered against Steve’s ear, trying desperately to keep his cool until he knew Steve was completely on board.

“W-want you to touch me,” He whimpered.

“I am touching you though.” Bucky gave Steve’s cock a firm squeeze, eliciting a drawn out curse.

“With your mouth, want you to touch me with your mouth.” Steve begged, and Bucky felt his own erection twitching in his jeans.

“You want me to taste you?” Bucky brushed his lips over Steve’s. “You wanna feel my tongue inside of you?”

Steve’s grip became almost painfully tight, and it made Bucky gasp. 

“D-do you really want to do that?”

“I really do.” Bucky licked his lips. “Come to my room and I’ll show you how much.” He offered his hand and Steve took it, letting Bucky lead him away from the entryway. When they reached Bucky’s room, Steve quickly shucked his shirt off, tossing it to the floor, and started on his pants.

“Eager much?”

Steve blushed, looking down at his jeans that were now bunched up around his ankles. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Bucky purred. “ _Eager to get wrecked_ is a good look on you.” He flashed a devious grin and began stripping off his own clothes.

When they were both down to their boxer briefs, Bucky stepped into Steve’s space and gently touched his face, before pulling him into a deep kiss. He felt Steve’s body shudder under his touch and Bucky tangled his fingers in Steve’s hair, tugging lightly, relishing in the whimpering noises it elicited. Bucky licked into Steve’s mouth, feeling desperate for more. He wanted more of Steve, in every way possible.

After a long moment, Steve pulled back slightly and asked, "How do you want me?"

"Naked, and lying on your stomach." Bucky smirked as he snapped the elastic on Steve's underpants, making him yelp. 

"Tell me what you’re going to do.”

“Mmm, you wanna hear how I’m going to have you begging for me to fuck my tongue into your ass? Or that I’m gonna give you the best orgasm of your life?”

“Oh my God, Buck,” Steve whispered weakly.

“Honey,” Bucky growled, pressing his lips to Steve’s ear, “I’m gonna eat your ass out so good, you’ll never want me to stop.”

“ _Fuck_.”  
  
“So, if you want me to do that, get naked, and lie down on the bed. Okay?” Bucky wanted Steve to know this wasn’t a demand, and that he could say no at any time.

Steve nodded and pushed his boxers down his hips slowly, and Bucky couldn’t look away. Steve sat on the bed and pushed himself back and into the middle. Bucky licked his lips as Steve blushed, looking like a shy virgin, trying to subtly cover himself. 

“Can you turn over for me, honey?” Bucky asked and Steve nodded his head before flipping onto his stomach. “That’s it, baby,” he went on, “get comfortable.”

Bucky got onto the bed after a moment and straddled Steve’s thighs, but kept his hands and dick away from Steve’s ass. At least, for now. 

He leaned down, laying his body on top of Steve’s, and began kissing between his shoulder blades. When Steve relaxed, Bucky began letting his hands explore up over Steve’s biceps, then down across his ribs. Steve moaned into the pillow and Bucky could feel it in his chest. It was incredibly intimate, being this close, and he couldn’t help giving Steve’s hips a gentle squeeze. Slowly, he kissed his way down Steve’s muscular body, occasionally nipping or licking spots he especially liked. When he finally reached Steve’s ass, Bucky could feel his mouth watering.

Squeezing the firm globes in his hands, Bucky checked in with Steve once more. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” Steve rasped, turning his head. “I’m ready.” 

Bucky scooted down and slowly pushed Steve’s legs apart, then pulled on his hips until they were raised up. Slowly, Bucky spread Steve’s ass cheeks apart and took a moment to admire the view before him. Leaning in, he blew his hot breath against the puckered muscle, watching it clench at the sensation. When Steve’s moan turned into a whimper, Bucky couldn’t hold back anymore. He extended his tongue and licked a broad stripe from Steve’s taint to the cleft of his ass.

“Oh, fuck,” Steve goaned, jerking under Bucky’s hands.

Again and again, Bucky licked, sucked, kissed, and prodded at Steve’s hole with his tongue, until he had saliva dripping down his chin, and Steve’s balls were soaked. Bucky’s own cock was twitching and dripping pre come at the sound of Steve’s constant praise and begging.

“Jesus, Buck!” He moaned, “You’re mouth, oh God!”

“You taste so good, Steve,” Bucky groaned against Steve’s hole, before diving back in.

“Didn’t know… didn’t know it could feel like this, _shit_!” Steve was gasping now, his muscles were tensing up, and Bucky knew he was close. “Please, don’t stop, please,” He begged.

Bucky felt Steve’s thighs trembling, and it made him smile to himself, knowing he was the reason this beautiful man was falling apart. It was then that Steve’s entire body stiffened and he came, completely untouched. Bucky didn’t stop until Steve sagged against the bed. He helped Steve to roll onto his back and looked down at him, grinning. Bucky took in every inch of Steve’s beautiful body, including his heaving chest, slick with perspiration. His eyes were hooded and Bucky couldn’t recall having ever seen someone look so thoroughly fucked. He reached down and finally began stroking his own achingly hard cock, moaning in relief.

“Come on me,” Steve slurred and Bucky’s hand stopped mid stroke.

“Yeah?” He slowly began fucking into his hand, watching Steve nod.

“Do it, come on me, Buck. Mark me,” Steve all but growled, and that was it.

Bucky groaned as his cock pulsed hot come over his hand and across Steve’s abdomen, a few drops even landing on his chest. “Fuck,” Bucky panted, “you look good like that.” 

Steve gently helped Bucky to lie on top of him, seemingly unbothered by Bucky’s weight or the fact that his come was being smeared between them.

“That… was incredible,” Steve murmured, running his fingers through Bucky hair, now damp with sweat.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Bucky answered, smiling against Steve’s chest. When his eyelids began feeling heavy, he let them close, promising himself that he was only letting them rest.  
*  
“Wake up, sleepy head.” Steve’s soothing voice had Bucky blinking his eyes open, looking around confused. Steve was standing by the bed, pulling his shirt on.

“Did I fall asleep?” He asked, though he already knew the answer.

“Yeah, it’s been about an hour.” When Steve smiled at him, Bucky couldn’t resist reaching out for him.

Steve went willingly, climbing onto the bed and kissing Bucky until they were both panting. When he wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders, it finally hit Bucky that Steve was fully dressed, and he was still naked.

“You… have clothes on.” Bucky stated between kisses.

“Yeah.” Steve sat back on his knees. “I gotta run, but I made you something to eat, if you’re hungry. It’s in the kitchen.”

Bucky’s brain still felt fuzzy with sleep. “Why?”

“That’s usually where food is made.” Steve chuckled when Bucky scowled at him. “Okay, how about to make up for the fact that I ruined your comforter.”

Even in the low light of the bedroom, Bucky could see a blush staining Steve’s cheeks. It took him a moment to understand what Steve meant, but then he remembered; eating Steve’s ass; making Steve come just from Bucky’s tongue; and then coming on Steve. He quickly looked down at his chest, also remembering how he’d laid on top of Steve, his come between them, but he was clean. Looking to Steve, Bucky could see his blush intensifying, as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I cleaned you up best I could. I didn’t wanna wake you up, though.”

“Th-thanks.” Bucky sat up and covered his lap with the top sheet. “You didn’t have to do that, or make me food.” He suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable. Steve wasn’t supposed to be like this, he was supposed to just get off with Bucky, then leave. He wondered if Steve felt obligated to perform these niceties.

Steve stood up then, clearly aware of Bucky’s sudden change in mood. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep.” He began backing up toward the bedroom door. “I have to head out, but… yeah, I’ll uh, see you around.”

When Bucky heard the front door shut, he collapsed back onto the bed. He wanted to yell; he wanted to chase after Steve and tell him to come back; he wanted to punch Steve in the face for making him feel all these things. 

Instead, he grabbed a pillow and screamed into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Multiverse is an actual comic book shop down the street from where I live :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite long, so I briefly switch from Steve's POV to Bucky's and then back to Steve. I hope you all enjoy it :)

“So, that was the infamous Bucky, huh?” Nat asked as she stole an onion ring from Steve’s plate. Steve took an unnecessarily large bite of his cheeseburger, ignoring her question. “He’s cute,” She continued, “do you know if he’s single?”

A spike of jealousy shot through Steve, and he couldn’t help glaring at Nat. “Yes, he’s single, but he’s gay.”

When Nat had invited him to lunch at a local diner the following day, Steve had hoped it wasn’t for the sole purpose of interrogating him about Bucky. Yet, he also _wanted_ her to ask; he wanted to unload this heavy feeling he’d been carrying around.

“Huh, I never would’ve guessed.” She grinned at him devilishly.

“What?”

“Steve, I saw the way you two were looking at each other. I’m not blind,” Nat replied, taking a sip of her milkshake.

“Huh? Wh-what do you mean? We weren’t looking at each other any way.” Steve purposely avoided Nat’s gaze but he knew he was caught.

“Have you told him that you like him?” 

Slumping down in his seat, Steve shook his head. “No, I can’t.”

“You can’t? Or you won’t?” Nat arched an eyebrow at him.

“Both. I’m- I’m not gay, Nat. Even if I was, he… he isn’t interested in me like that.”

“You know, it’s okay for you to like him, right? Whether you’re straight or not, you don’t have to dismiss your feelings because of a societal label you’ve given yourself.” She gave him a reassuring smile, and Steve could feel the dam breaking.

“We’ve been… hooking up,” He finally admitted, dipping a soggy French fry into ketchup, and then discarding it.

Natasha’s eyes widened briefly. “If you two are having sex, what makes you think he’s not into you _like that_?”

“We haven’t had sex,” Steve grumbled, then blushed. “Not like, full on sex.”

“You’re missing the point here, Steve,” She sighed.

“I’m good at reading people, Nat. He hasn’t shown any interest in doing more than-” Steve clamped his mouth shut as a waitress walked by their table.

“How did this even start? You’ve never been one for random hook ups or friends with benefits,” Natasha inquired.

“It’s a long story,” Steve evaded.

“Hm, good thing this is a twenty-four hour diner,” She quipped.

Sighing, Steve finally gave in. “Sam wanted me to meet Bucky once he’d settled in, so I met up with them for drinks. Not long after I got there, Sam was called into work, so Bucky and I spent the next couple of hours just chatting. It was really great; he’s funny, and kind, and just…” Steve huffed out a breath. “After, we went to his place for one more drink and…”

“Were you drunk, Steve?” Natasha asked sternly.

“No,” Steve answered seriously, “I was slightly buzzed, at most. I just - I wanted him, so I kissed him. He kissed me back, and then…” Clearing his throat, Steve went on. “He went down on me.”

“And after?” She looked at him expectantly.

“After, I, uh… I freaked out and left.”

“Steven Grant Rogers,” Natasha hissed at him, and Steve shrunk back into his seat.

“I know, I was a complete douche.” Steve ran his fingers through his hair, feeling frustrated. “He was at Sam’s for movie night, and I apologized. Bucky… he, uh, pretty much told me to make it up to him, and he’d forgive me. So after the movie, we went to my place and, well, I reciprocated. With interest.”

Nat simply raised an eyebrow at him.

“Then, as you know, we bumped into each other at the comic book shop. After you left, I offered to give him a ride home.”

“Such a gentleman.” Nat smirked.

Blushing, Steve went on. “When we got to his building, he said he’d make me lunch, as a thank you.” When Natasha rolled her eyes, Steve groaned in response. “I know, I know. I don’t know what I was thinking, I shouldn’t have gone up with him.” 

“Why shouldn’t you have?” 

“B-because.” Steve gesticulated wildly, but Natasha wasn’t impressed. “Because, like you said, I don’t do hook-ups, and this will never be more than that to him.”

“Unless you ask him, you can’t know for sure what it is that Bucky wants.” She answered, waving over the waitress. “If you don’t want to right out tell him, show him that you want more.”

“How?” Steve asked skeptically.

“Woo him, Rogers. Do the things you’d normally do if you wanted to impress a woman, but alter them to suit Bucky.” The waitress approached with their bill and Nat nodded to Steve.

“You asked me to lunch!” Steve huffed, but was already pulling out his wallet, and Nat grinned, watching him drop a handful of bills on the table.  
*  
That night, as he was taking a break from his newest commission, Steve sat on the edge of his bed and picked up his phone. He had never been known for his prowess when it came to the art of dating, which was one of the many reasons Steve was nearing thirty and only had one serious relationship under his belt. Sure, he’d had a couple of flings, after Peggy, but they had always left him feeling unfulfilled and lonely.

Swiping through his phone, Steve pulled up the Instagram app and typed in Bucky’s name. The result of which was hundreds of candid shots of Bucky, and Steve felt like he’d hit the jackpot. He grinned as he scrolled through the photos; Bucky climbing a tree with a girl named Rebecca; Bucky pointing excitedly to a cinema sign that read Wonder Woman; Bucky smiling brightly as he held a small dog in his arms. After snooping through every single picture, dating all the way back to 2014, Steve finally put his phone away, and got back to work. He knew what he needed to do.  
*  
The following weekend, Steve found himself sitting on the loveseat at Sam’s apartment, again. Thor and Clint had already been there when he’d arrived, but when it came time to watch the movie, Bucky still hadn’t arrived. His stomach was rolling at the thought that Bucky wouldn’t show, possibly because he didn’t want to see Steve. He had seemed a bit terse with Steve the last time they parted ways. As nonchalantly as he could, he inquired, “Is Bucky not coming?”

Sam seemed to take the question at face value and shrugged. “He didn’t say anything to me about it.” Turning to Thor, he asked, “Did he tell you he was busy this weekend?”

“No.” Thor shook his head. “I spoke with him yesterday but he didn’t mention not being able to make it. Perhaps he is just running late. You know how traffic and public transportation are.”

Steve nodded and turned to the television as Sam played the movie, which happened to be Clint’s choice this time. As the beginning of _Slither_ appeared on the screen, there was a knock on the door, and Steve shot up out of his seat. “I’ll get it.” Trying his best not to run, he rushed to the door and swung it open. He couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face when he saw Bucky standing there.

“You made it,” Steve breathed, moving aside to let Bucky in, and shutting the door. He stood watching Bucky as he took off his jacket and shoes. “How’ve you been?”

“Fine,” Bucky answered, but didn’t elaborate. 

Steve furrowed his brows and as he opened his mouth to speak, Bucky walked past him, making a beeline for the living room. Frowning, Steve followed and nearly bumped into Bucky who stood in the entranceway, staring at the loveseat.

“Bucky, there you are,” Sam greeted, waving him over. “Take a seat, the movie’s just starting.” Steve could see the reluctance on his face as he sat down. 

Sitting beside Bucky, Steve found himself only half watching the movie; laughing and cringing when everyone else did, purely for appearances sake. During a particularly loud scene, Steve leaned over to Bucky and whispered, “Are you okay?”

His only response was a shrug and nod, and Steve got the hint, moving away. Once the credits were rolling, everyone stood and began collecting the dishes left on the coffee table. In the kitchen, Clint approached Steve.

“Hey, my dude.” He smiled brightly. “I got those tickets you asked for.”

Steve took the two tickets and put them in his back pocket. “Thanks a ton, Clint. I really appreciate it.”

Clint scoffed, “Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy!”

“How much do I owe you?” Steve asked, reaching for his wallet.

“Psh, I don’t take money from my friends.” 

“What _do_ you want?” He raised an eyebrow at his friend.

“Hmmm, nothing right now. Next time I need a favor, consider that your payment.”

Chuckling, Steve nodded. “Sure thing.”

They parted ways and Steve quickly located Bucky coming out of the bathroom. Walking toward him with a smile, Steve waved once Bucky saw him, but Bucky didn’t wave back. Instead he froze.

“Um, hi,” Steve said as he came to a stop in front of Bucky. “I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second?” 

“I really d-” Bucky stopped himself and took a deep breath. “Sure.”

Retrieving the tickets, he handed them to Bucky. “Clint gave me these and I was wondering if you’d be interested in going. No one else here really likes these kinds of things, except Clint, but he’s working that day.”

Bucky looked at them and quirked an eyebrow. “A charity dog show at the park,” He said slowly.

“Yeah, I just…” Steve hesitated a moment before blurting, “I remembered that you said you enjoy photographing animals, and thought that maybe you’d like to go. I go every year, it’s a lot of fun.”

A small smile formed on Bucky’s lips but his furrowed brow showed how conflicted he was. Looking at the tickets once more, then at Steve, he handed them back. “Sure, I’d like that. Thanks, Steve.”

Steve couldn’t stop himself from grinning like an idiot and Bucky looked like he was trying to hold back a laugh. “Great! That’s great.”

“Yeah.” Bucky finally grinned, letting out a small chuckle. 

“Do you need a ride?” Steve offered and Bucky looked shocked for a brief moment. 

“Is that some kind of innuendo you straight guys are using now?” He teased and Steve burst out laughing, even as his cheeks set aflame.

“I don’t think so,” Steve finally replied.

“Okay, I’ll accept.” Bucky had a fire in his eyes that made Steve want to kiss him until they were both breathless. 

“We should exchange numbers,” Steve blurted out and Bucky raised an eyebrow at him. “In case something happens, like a change of plans or... something.”

“Oh, right.” Bucky looked slightly relieved as he handed Steve his phone, but also… disappointed? Steve began wondering if he really was any good at reading people, because those two feelings usually didn’t coincide.

When Steve received his phone back, he saw that Bucky had sent himself a message that read, “Stevie,” and it made his heart pound in his chest like a hammer. Stevie was what Bucky called him during their… encounters. 

“Th-thanks.” As Steve looked up at Bucky, he could feel the heat radiating off him, and it made his cock twitch in his pants.

Suddenly, Bucky’s demeanor changed as he looked over Steve’s shoulder. When he was about to turn around to see what it was, Sam came up and clapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, fellas, how’s it going? Some movie, huh?” He winced. “Clint should be banned from choosing.”

Steve felt an ache in his chest when he realized Bucky had quickly stepped away from him.

“Yeah, when am I gonna get a chance to pick?” Bucky asked, smiling too easily, at least Steve thought.

“Good question,” Sam answered, “how about next week?”

“Excellent, I’ll be here.” 

“Me too,” Steve added, cringing inwardly at his awkwardness. Sam looked at him with a quirked eyebrow, and Bucky’s face was a mix of expressions that Steve couldn’t decipher. 

_Fuck_ , he thought to himself, _I hope this works_.  
*  
Steve stood in front of the mirror in his bedroom, staring at his reflection, and found himself already second-guessing his fourth outfit. He wore a plain black button down shirt, jeans, and his sneakers; casual, but also not too casual, or so he’d told himself. He hadn’t lied about going to the event every year but he’d always gone with Clint, or by himself. This was the first time he was going with someone he wanted to impress. Steve couldn’t deny that his feelings for Bucky still made him nervous; they even downright scared him sometimes. 

But he couldn’t remember the last time he’d wanted another human being the way he wanted Bucky Barnes.

Pushing past that fear, Steve took a deep breath and picked up his phone. Bucky hadn’t texted or called, and over the past three days, Steve had fought the intense urge to contact him. He had no idea what he’d even say; he also worried that Bucky would be annoyed, or even angry if Steve texted him out of the blue. He had a reason now, though, and sent a short message.

_Steve: On my way_

_Steve sighed in relief at the quick reply._

_Bucky: I’ll be waiting outside_

Grabbing his keys, Steve left his apartment and headed out; his heart was already pounding forcefully against his chest. 

When Steve pulled up beside the apartment, he saw Bucky leaning against the building and looking at his phone. At the sound of the motorcycle, he looked up and Steve felt his lungs constrict; Bucky was smiling at him, the same genuine, radiant smile he’d had when they were at the bar. Steve shook himself and waved to Bucky as he walked up.

“Hi,” He said, feeling like a complete dope.

“Hi there.” Bucky climbed on behind Steve with no hesitation, and pulled on the offered helmet.

Without another word, Steve sped off, warmth blooming in his chest as he felt Bucky’s arms wrap around him.  
*  
Walking into the park, Steve noticed the camera bag slung over Bucky’s shoulder. “What’re you gonna do with the photos you take?”

“I don’t know yet,” Bucky said, looking around them. “Might see if the humane society wants them, or maybe the newspaper.” He shrugged. “Is this just like a regular dog show?”

“Well, sort of.” Steve rubbed his neck and chuckled. “They have rescue dogs participating; they have categories like, Best Tail Wag, and Best Kisser,” he explained, “it’s mostly for fun, while also raising funds for the shelter.” He pointed to his left where a number of tents were erected. “There’s a bunch of vendors over there, too, so we can get something to eat, or buy a tee-shirt if you want.”

“I’ll definitely need a souvenir to commemorate this day.” Bucky grinned, bumping his shoulder against Steve’s.

“That can be accomodated.” Steve smiled in return and subtly brushed the back of his hand against Bucky’s, but it seemed to go unnoticed.

As they entered the large tent where the dog show was being held, Steve gave their tickets to an attendant and took a moment to watch Bucky’s face as it went through an array of expressions; surprise, joy, excitement, and then… something soft as he turned to Steve. “This is amazing, thank you for inviting me.”

Steve could only nod and led Bucky to two empty chairs by the ring. Once they sat, Bucky quickly pulled out his camera and began fiddling with it. Steve had no idea what exactly he was doing, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away; something about Bucky’s movements and, to be honest, his handsome face, made it hard not to stare.

“I can feel you watching me, Steve.” Bucky looked up a moment later and chuckled as Steve quickly turned away.

“Sorry, I was just… watching what you were doing with the camera.” 

Bucky smirked and rolled his eyes playfully. “Sure.”

Steve wasn’t sure what to say, or even think, so he just stared ahead, looking on as the arena was set up.

“You mind if I take a few test photos of you?” Bucky asked, adjusting the lense.

“Uh, I guess, if you want.” Steve ran his palms over the tops of his thighs nervously.

“Thanks.” Bucky stood, moving around Steve and taking photos at different angles. When Bucky got on his knees in front of him, Steve felt himself blushing up to the tips of his ears. After a couple of pictures from that position, Bucky stood, grinning devilishly.

When dogs began entering the ring, everyone began clapping, and Bucky took his seat.

“Good afternoon, everyone!” A woman’s voice boomed out of the speakers set up around the tent. “My name is Frigga Odinson, and I am the director of the humane society here in town. I can’t thank you all enough for your support, donations, and participation in this year’s events. I hope you all have a great time.” There was more clapping before she went on, “Now, on with the show! This first category is for Best Lap Dog, let’s hear it for our participants, Pennie, Scooter, Crispy, Trixie, Murphy, Kurtis, and Belle!”

Steve smiled when he saw how excited Bucky looked as the dogs entered the ring, each with their tails, or in some cases, their stubs, wagging happily. “Steve, they’re so cute!” He squealed, picking up his camera and taking shots.

“They sure are,” Steve answered, unable to tear his eyes away from Bucky’s face.

For the next hour and a half, Bucky cheered, clapped, and rooted on every single dog. Steve found himself wanting to make Bucky this happy every day for the rest of his life.

_The rest of his life?_ Steve swallowed thickly at the thought, it was too early to be thinking like that - they were just friends. Friends that occasionally got naked and had orgasms together, but just friends nonetheless.

“Steve, look at that one!” Bucky shook Steve’s thigh, getting his attention as a grey and white Shih Tzu stood on its back legs and flapped its front paws at the crowd. There was a litany of laughter and awws, which seemed to make the dog very happy.

“That is adorable.” Steve noticed that Bucky left his hand on his leg even after the dog had left the ring, and it remained there until the final category was finished. Only when people began getting up and leaving the tent, did Bucky finally move his hand away, either having not noticed, or cared, that it had been there.

“How about we go check out the vendors?” Bucky suggested, and Steve nodded.

“Let’s go.”  
*  
“Oh my God,” Bucky exclaimed, wide eyed, “are those deep fried Oreos?”

Chuckling, Steve replied. “Yep, I had some last year. They’re pretty good. You want to get a couple?”

“Of course I do.” Bucky laughed and headed for the food truck. Once he’d placed his order, Steve stepped up beside him.

“I’ve got it,” He said, handing over a ten dollar bill to the proprietor.

“Steve,” Bucky said sternly, “I can afford to buy my own Oreos.”

Steve shrugged. “You can cover me next time we go out.”

Bucky’s eyes widened and he turned away as his food was handed to him. “Thanks,” He mumbled.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine, Steve. I appreciate the gesture.” Bucky smiled weakly at him and it made Steve’s chest ache. “Let’s go look around while we eat,” He suggested, offering an Oreo to Steve.

Hoping he hadn’t already blown the mood, Steve nodded. “Okay.” 

As Bucky bit into his cookie, he let out moan that had Steve’s dick twitching, as he recalled the last time he’d heard it. “Oh my god, ‘s so good.” 

“Yeah, I can tell, Buck.” Steve laughed when Bucky’s eyes widened, realizing the noises he’d made.

“Sorry.” He looked down bashfully and Steve could make out the tinge of pink on his cheeks.

“I don’t mind.” Steve casually placed an arm over Bucky’s shoulders. “You want to go pick out a souvenir?”

Squinting suspiciously at him, Bucky answered, “Are you going to let me pay for it?”

“Nope,” Steve replied, popping the P at the end. “ I said next time. I invited you, so I’m paying.”

“Ugh, you’re such a punk,” Bucky said dramatically, but gave Steve a small smirk.

“I sure am, jerk.” Steve hip bumped him, and began leading the way to the different vendors.

Bucky never asked Steve to move his arm, so he kept it draped over his shoulders, and Steve relished the affection that blossomed in his chest. As the sun began to set, Bucky stood in front of a display of stuffed animals, looking each over as he hummed and hawed. “I don’t know which one to get. What do you think?” He finally asked.

Smiling, Steve went straight for the rainbow colored platypus. “Personally, I like this one.”

“That’s quite…” Bucky lifted an eyebrow as he looked from the toy to Steve. “Unconventional.”

Steve looked into Bucky’s eyes as he spoke. “That’s why I like it.”

“Oh,” Bucky seemed momentarily stunned but, after a brief moment, he grinned and held his hand out for the platypus. “I’ll take this one, then.”

“Excellent choice.” Steve winked at him before handing over the payment to the business owner.

“We should get going. It’s gonna be dark soon.” Bucky said as he looked around and Steve suddenly realized that most of the vendors were packing up to leave.

“Yeah, let’s get you home.”  
*  
Bucky climbed off Steve’s motorcycle, stuffed animal in hand, and stood hesitantly for a moment. “Would… would you like to come upstairs? We can order take-out or something?”

Steve had to take a deep breath as his heart picked up speed. He wanted to go with Bucky, but he knew they wouldn’t be ordering any food, they’d just be having sex again, and Steve wanted him to know that he was interested in more than that. He shook his head. “I can’t tonight.”

“Oh, right.” Bucky’s voice faltered, and he began walking backwards.

“Bucky, it’s not-”

“I had fun,” He interrupted, “thanks for inviting me. I’ll see you around.”

“See you around,” He said weakly, watching Bucky entering the building, not waiting for Steve’s reply.

Turning the key in his bike, Steve drove home, the happiness he’d felt all day now gone, replaced with self-doubt and regret. Again.

When he finally got through the door to his apartment, his phone began ringing and he saw that it was Sam. “Hey, what’s up?” He answered.

“Hey, Steve, I have a proposal for you.”

“Oh God, I already don’t like it.”

Sam scoffed, “You have no faith in your most reliable friend? You wound me, good sir.”

“Fine, fine,” He relented, “what is it?”

“Stark is holding a charity gala event next week for GLAAD, and since he likes me so much, I’m allowed to invite my best pals.”

“You know I hate those kinds of things, Sam.” Steve groaned.

“Yeah, but you can’t say no, because it’s for a good cause.”

“Ugh, I hate you.”

Sam laughed. “Awesome, I’ll see you there. I’ll text you the details.”

“Yeah, see you there,” He groaned, ending the call as Sam laughed again. A moment later he received a text.

_Friday @ 7pm, wear a suit_  
*  
Steve walked into Stark Tower, tugging nervously at his tie. Before he could even attempt to locate Sam, a young woman approached him. “Name?” She asked with a manufactured smile.

“Uh, Rogers, Steve Rogers.”

She looked down at the tablet in her hands, and nodded. “Alright, here you go, have a good night.” The woman handed him a key card and began walking away.

“Wait, ma’am, what is this?” He called to her, confused.

“Oh, that’s for your room, Mr. Rogers. Privileged guests are given a room for the night, so that they don’t have to worry about driving home. Have a good night.” She turned away again, and began attending to a couple walking in.

He stuffed the key card into his pocket, not at all expecting to use it, and headed for the ballroom in front of him. When he entered, he was surprised by the number of guests, the decorations, and the noise. For some reason, Steve had expected it to be a subdued event, but thinking about it, he should’ve realized Tony Stark never did anything small.

After walking around the edge of the room, Steve finally located Sam, facing away from him and talking to another man he couldn’t see. Finally making his way toward his friend, Steve stopped short when he saw that Sam was actually talking to Bucky. Seeming to sense the awkward tension rolling off Steve, Bucky looked up and his eyes went wide, causing Sam to look over his shoulder.

“Steve! There you are.” Sam smiled brightly, and patted Steve on the shoulder. “You okay?” He asked, noticing Steve’s tight lipped expression.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Steve rushed to reassure him. “Just a little overwhelmed, you know these big parties aren’t exactly my ideal environment.”

“Bucky’s the same way.” Sam gestured to him. “Figured you two could hang out and be socially inept together.”

“Heh,” Steve forced himself to give a half-hearted chuckle. “Good idea.”

“Sam’s always been the smart one.” Bucky gave a sarcastic grin, and Sam scoffed.

“You know what, I’m going to ignore that. For now. You best watch yourself, Barnes,” He said with a smirk. “I’m gonna go mingle, I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

Once Sam had disappeared into the crowd, Steve took a deep breath and turned to Bucky, who was looking around the room, sipping on a glass of champagne. When he noticed Steve staring, he raised his eyebrows expectantly, but Steve didn’t know what to say.

“How’ve you been?” Bucky finally asked.

“Uh, fine. You?”

“I’ve been good. I sleep much better now that I have a platypus to keep me company.” Bucky laughed and his casual tone caught Steve off guard.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that. I hope your cat isn’t jealous.” Grabbing a glass off of a passing server, Steve took a sip, and hoped he wasn’t coming off as anxious as he felt.

“How do you know I have a-” Bucky scrunched his face, but he had his expression schooled in the blink of an eye. “Right.”

“Um, what’s his or her name?” 

“Her name is Alpine. I adopted her a couple of years ago, when I was living in Indiana. She's amazing.” Bucky smiled, clearly fond of his pet, and Steve suddenly felt jealous of a cat.

“Oh, that’s nice.” Steve smiled in return and took another sip of his champagne.

“Steve?” Steve turned around to see a blond woman approaching him, and his stomach dropped. “Steve Rogers, is that you?”

“Hi, Sharon.” He greeted her, and couldn’t help glancing at Bucky, but Steve couldn’t read his expression.

“How’ve you been? Haven’t seen you since the New Years Eve party.” Sharon giggled. “We had a lot of fun, huh?”

Steve could feel his face burning, and he was sure he could feel his forehead break out in perspiration. “Uh, yeah, that was a while ago.” He looked at Bucky again, and he had a small, tight lipped smile.

“Who’s your handsome friend here, Steve?” Sharon licked her lips as she looked at Bucky.

“Bucky Barnes, ma’am.” Bucky extended his hand, ever the gentleman. “Nice to make your acquaintance.”

“Oh, you’re sweet,” She giggled, and Steve cringed inwardly. “How do you know Steve?”

“We’re friends,” Bucky answered nonchalantly. “Sam Wilson introduced us.”

“Sam is such a gem.” Sharon sighed wistfully. “Oh God,” She rolled her eyes. “Here comes Tony, I’m getting out of here.”

“James Barnes!” Tony was smiling brightly as he pulled Bucky into a hug. “Look at you, back in the city.”

Bucky reluctantly hugged him back. “Yeah, here I am.”

“I heard that you were back, good to see your disgustingly perfect face again.”

“Uh, thanks.” When Bucky seemed to be at a loss for words, Steve felt an unexpected urge to protect him from the overwhelming presence of Tony Stark. He hadn’t met the man before, but Sam had told him enough stories to give anyone nightmares.

“Hi, I’m Steve Rogers.” He held out his hand, and Tony only looked at him.

“I don’t like being handed things.” 

“Oh, okay.” Steve dropped his arm, sticking his hands into his pockets after placing his glass on a waiter’s passing tray.

Tony took a moment to look at him, then turned to Bucky. “I gotta hand it to you, Buckaroo. You got yourself some All American Beefcake right here.” He gestured to Steve.

Bucky’s jaw dropped and Steve was sure his entire body was turning fire engine red.

“We’re not-” Steve began but Tony cut him off.

“Uh huh, sure,” He said in a placating manner, “but seriously, you two are adorable together.” As Steve opened his mouth to speak again, Tony turned to walk away, but then called over his shoulder. “I better see you two during the couple’s dance.”

When Tony was out of earshot, Steve shifted awkwardly before turning to Bucky. “So, that just happened.” He tried to laugh it off.

“It’s fine.” Bucky smiled at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes, and Steve’s stomach rolled painfully.

“You… don’t mind?” Steve asked cautiously.

“Friends dance together all the time, Steve. No one’s gonna care.”

Steve felt his stomach drop, and his eyes darted around the room. When he spotted an easy exit in the form of the restroom, he turned away from Bucky. “Right, yeah, of course. Excuse me for a moment.”  
**  
Bucky stood alone in the corner of the bustling ballroom, holding a glass of now flat champagne, and chewing on his lip anxiously. It felt like every time he thought things with Steve were looking up, it always ended up spiraling into a fiery crash, and each time it broke another piece of Bucky’s heart. _I can’t keep doing this_ , he thought to himself morosely, considering whether he should leave before-

“Ladies and gentleman, it is now time for the couple’s dance. For every couple that takes to the dance floor, Tony Stark will donate five thousand dollars to the LGBTQ+ organization of your choice. Please, grab your partner and join in on this fun way to help the community.” The announcement echoed throughout the room, and couples began making their way to the dance floor. Looking around, Bucky spotted Steve talking to Sharon and an unexplainable possessiveness washed over him but just as quickly, it was replaced with shame. He had no claim on Steve; feeling anything for him would only bring more heartache and Bucky knew he was reaching his limit. 

Lost in his thoughts, Bucky hadn’t even noticed that Steve had approached him and, only when he cleared his throat, did Bucky finally take notice.

“You ready?” Steve asked, holding out his hand.

Bucky hesitated; this was his last chance to back out, to save his already battered heart. He looked from Steve’s palm to his face; a shy smile and nervous eyes greeted him and Bucky knew he couldn’t turn away. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

Steve led them to the middle of the dance floor, took Bucky’s hand in his own, and placed the other on Bucky’s hip. “Is this okay?” He asked in a low voice.

Bucky bit his bottom lip and nodded. He put his hand on Steve’s shoulder and they began moving together. The array of emotions coursing through Bucky’s body felt overwhelming, but he couldn’t help enjoying it. When he felt Steve’s foot step on top of his, he winced and looked down at their feet. “Are you always this bad at dancing?”

Ducking his head shyly, Steve mumbled, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, let’s try it like this.” Bucky placed Steve’s other hand on his hip, then placed his own on Steve’s shoulder.

The sound of violins, harps, and other stringed instruments filled the room and, as Bucky looked into Steve’s eyes, he found that he couldn’t turn away. They swayed together in one another’s arms gently, simply watching each other, and it felt more intimate than anything they’d done before. Bucky smirked when he felt Steve pulling him a bit closer and wrapped his hands fully around Steve’s shoulders. A million thoughts swirled through Bucky’s mind, a million things he wanted to say or ask, but the words didn’t come… the moment felt too precious for them.

When the classical music faded, Bucky wondered if this was the end of the dance but then a new song began playing and he recognized it right away. It was _Leather and Lace_. As Stevie Nicks’ voice began filling the room, Bucky felt an irrational urge to bolt; to get out of Steve’s arms; out of Stark Tower; out of New York.

“You okay?” Steve asked softly, his brows furrowed in concern, clearly seeing the warring emotions on Bucky’s face.

“Y-yeah, fine.” His breath caught in his throat when Steve pulled him closer, humming along to the song.

_Lovers forever face to face,_   
_My city your mountains,_   
_Stay with me stay,_   
_I need you to love me,_   
_I need you today,_   
_Give to me your leather,_   
_Take from me my lace._

In an attempt to hide his face, Bucky placed his head on Steve’s shoulder, but quickly realized it had been a bad decision. Steve nuzzled his face into Bucky’s hair, and Bucky felt something in his chest tightening painfully. 

_You in the moonlight,_   
_With your sleepy eyes,_   
_Could you ever love a man like me?_   
_And you were right,_   
_When I walked into your house,_   
_I knew I’d never want to leave._

Bucky jerked out of Steve’s arms, unable to stand the overwhelming emotions bringing him to the brink of madness. Steve looked at him with wide eyes and Bucky could see the hurt in them. In that moment, he couldn’t imagine leaving Steve; he only wanted more of him, but what more could Steve want to give him? What more from Bucky could he want? _My body_ , he thought.

“Will you come with me to my room?” Bucky asked, and was impressed by how little his voice shook.

Steve hesitated for a moment before replying, “Yeah, okay, if that’s what you want.”

Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand and led him to the elevators.  
***  
Steve stumbled into the bedroom, desperately trying to reach the bed, and nearly tripped when Bucky’s lips found a particularly sensitive spot on his neck. When they finally reached the lush King size mattress, Steve allowed himself to collapse onto it, holding Bucky close so he wouldn’t fall. 

Their kisses were heated and frantic as they ripped their tuxedos off and carelessly tossed them to the floor. Once they were finally naked, Steve climbed on top of Bucky and rutted against him, moaning loudly as their cocks slid together. After several more thrusts, Bucky stopped him.

“Want you in me,” He groaned, “put your fingers in me, honey.”

Steve froze for a moment, but eventually answered, “Y-you want me to?”

“Please,” Bucky reached down and stroked Steve’s cock, “I need it.”

“O-ok.” Steve shuddered when Bucky pulled his hand away.

“Go get some lube from the bathroom.” When Steve quirked an eyebrow at him, he added, “I know Tony Stark, he definitely keeps lube in every suite he has. Now go!” 

Steve yelped as Bucky playfully swatted at his ass but he jumped off the bed and ran to retrieve the lube. When he returned, Bucky had his eyes closed and was slowly stroking his cock, soft moans and whimpers escaping between his parted lips. Steve felt certain that he had never seen anything so beautiful in his life; until Bucky opened his eyes, giving a shy smile when he spotted Steve.

“Got it.” Steve held out the lube, suddenly feeling a bit foolish.

“Perfect. You wanna join me?” Bucky purred, pulling his legs up against his chest. Groaning, Steve had to grip his cock as arousal shot through him. The feeling shocked him; he never thought he’d be turned on by the sight of a guy’s spread ass cheeks. It seemed that Bucky had a way of making Steve realize new things about himself every time they were together.

He crawled onto the bed and situated himself between Bucky’s open legs. Steve’s eyes darted across Bucky’s body, wanting to take in every inch of his immaculate form. “How do I…” He trailed off, frustrated by his shortcomings. _I should have Googled this_ , he thought to himself. _Bucky could easily replace me with a partner that knows what they’re doing_. If this was all Bucky wanted out of Steve, he was going to do his damnedest to make it good for him.

“Lube up your fingers,” Bucky answered softly, stroking his cock again as he watched Steve do as instructed. “Good, now you just gotta work your way inside me. Slowly, though, one finger at a time.” Bucky suddenly looked embarrassed. “It-It’s been… a while.”

“Yeah, of course.” Steve felt his chest tighten and couldn’t resist using his clean hand to rub up and down Bucky’s thigh. “I got you.” 

Bucky then pulled him down, kissing him deeply until they were both moaning into each other’s mouths. “I’m ready,” He whispered with a small smile.

Nodding, Steve sat back up on his knees and took a deep breath. Petting Bucky’s thigh again, he pressed a slick finger against Bucky’s hole, rubbing and gently prodding at it. When Bucky began breathing more heavily, Steve slowly pressed his forefinger inside, groaning at the tight heat that squeezed around him.

“Don’t stop,” Bucky gasped, and Steve continued pushing inside until he was up to his knuckles. 

“This good?” He asked, watching Bucky’s face for any signs of discomfort.

Nodding his head, Bucky reached out and grabbed Steve’s hand, gripping it tightly. “You can move.”

“Okay,” Steve breathed, sliding his finger slowly in and out of Bucky’s hole, completely entranced by the sight. 

"Another," Bucky breathed heavily, "gimme another."

Steve cursed under his breath and did as he was asked, pressing a second finger into Bucky’s welcoming hole. “Fuck, you feel so tight, Buck.” When he glanced at Bucky’s cock, he saw that it was steadily leaking pre come and Steve couldn’t resist leaning down to lap it up. The noise Bucky made was intoxicating and Steve began bobbing his head as he continued to thrust his fingers in and out of Bucky’s ass.

“Shit, Steve,” Bucky began babbling, “love your fingers in me, feels so good, baby. Don’t- _fuck_ \- don’t stop, make me come, please, Stevie. Need you to make me come.”

Reaching down to briefly stroke his own cock, Steve picked up the pace and pressed his fingers deeper, and with more force, into Bucky. He swirled his tongue over the head of Bucky’s dripping cock, and used his other to fondle Bucky’s balls, hoarding every whimper, moan, and curse that Bucky made.

“F-fuck, gonna come.” Bucky tugged on Steve’s hair, but he kept going. “Steve!” 

Steve felt his mouth filling with Bucky’s thick, salty release, and he moaned as he swallowed it down. When he finally pulled off, Bucky was looking at him through hooded eyes, and a placid smile. Leaning down, Steve kissed him, surprised when he felt Bucky licking into his mouth, and then reached down to grab ahold of Steve’s cock. It only took a handful of strokes before Steve was hiding his face against Bucky’s shoulder, as his climax reached its peak.  
*  
Steve sat on the edge of the bed, watching Bucky collect his hastily discarded clothes, as he began to redress himself. When he looked in Steve’s direction, Steve quickly looked away, picking at an imaginary piece on his boxers, the only article of clothing he’d managed to put back on.

“Steve,” Bucky hesitated briefly, and Steve turned to him. “This… thing we’re doing, I-”

“Stop,” Steve quickly interrupted him, “let’s just… not. Okay?” Standing, Steve walked past Bucky and left the room. He couldn't handle hearing the words of rejection that he’d been dreading for so long.

He went into the bathroom and turned the shower on, letting the sound drown out his intrusive thoughts, before stepping under the scalding spray. When Steve heard the front door to the suite open and shut, he crumbled to his knees and wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 2 chapters left!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter, so I added a small scene that is from Steve's POV :)

Bucky stormed into his apartment, slamming the door behind him and went straight to the kitchen. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey he had stowed away, the same whiskey he’d offered to Steve that first night, and took it with him to the living room. After sitting down, he opened the bottle and swallowed a mouthful of the liquor, relishing the burn he felt as it spilled down his throat. He stared at the bottle, then took another swig before turning on the TV for background noise. He couldn’t handle the deafening silence that only encouraged his dark thoughts. When he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he yanked it out and glared. There was a text from Sam.

_Sam: Steve just told me you left, hope you’re feeling better soon, pal_

Scoffing, Bucky threw the phone to the other end of the couch. _Left, huh?_ Then an idea struck him and he picked it back up, scrolling through his list of contacts. He stopped at _Stevie_ and a wave of anger washed over him. How could he have allowed himself to feel such intimacy with Steve, a man that had always acted ashamed of their affair? He really was nothing more than a dirty little secret to Steve.

_You’re nothing more than a warm hole, Barnes._

Brock’s voice echoed in Bucky’s head, and shameful tears pooled in his eyes. He had desperately wanted Brock’s words to be lies, to just be cruel words spat from the lips of a monster. 

Wiping away the tears that rolled down his cheeks, he took another long drink from the bottle. Alpine jumped onto the couch then, and sat beside him, he petted her gently as he bit his trembling bottom lip.

“Haven’t even been here two months and I’ve already been fucked over. Literally.” He huffed out a humorless laugh and scratched Alpine’s cheeks. “At least I have you, sweet girl. You’ll never break my-” Bucky stopped himself, refusing to put words to the pain. He knew, though, that Steve had broken his heart; he’d fallen hard and fast and the end result had been undeniable rejection. When Alpine meowed at him, he sighed. “Yeah, I don’t need him anyway.”

_I hope._  
*  
After two weeks of moping around his apartment and watching _Pride & Prejudice_ on repeat, Bucky decided, if he was ever going to get out of this funk, he needed to face the world again. The past two weeks, he’d skipped movie night, giving lame excuses each time. He wasn’t ready to see Steve again, let alone interact with him; he wasn’t sure if he’d ever truly be ready. How was he supposed to act like everything was rainbows and daisies between them? How was he supposed to even look him in the face, remembering what they’d done? 

Bucky knew he was a terrible liar; he knew that eventually his friends would find out, and Steve would… Bucky shook his head; he wouldn’t allow himself to dwell on it any longer.

Since he didn’t have any shoots scheduled, he grabbed his gym bag and headed out. It’d been some time since he’d gotten a good work out in, and doing so always helped him clear his head. As he entered the building, he went to the locker rooms to change, then started on the elliptical to warm up. Once he felt loose and had started to pant, he turned the machine off, patting his face and neck with his towel. He was about to start on the leg press machine when someone tapped his shoulder, making him jump. Turning, his eyes went wide. It was the redheaded woman he’d met at the comic book shop.

“Oh, uh, hi.” Bucky’s eyes darted across the room, hoping Steve wasn’t with her.

“Hi there,” she greeted, “how’s life treating you?” She arched an eyebrow and Bucky felt his heart begin to pound.

“What?” He asked, taking a step back. “It’s fine.” 

Natasha scoffed at him, “Is it now?”

“What’s it to you, anyway?” Bucky snapped.

She smirked, but her eyes were burning a hole through him. “Just checking in on a friend of a friend.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes and turned to continue his workout. “Yeah, right. Well, you can tell your friend that I’m just fine and dandy.” Suddenly, there was a firm grasp on his bicep and he was yanked backward.

“That’s funny, because Steve isn’t,” She snarled. “What happened between you two?”

“What? Is he too embarrassed to tell you? Too ashamed?” Bucky tried to pull his arm back but she tightened her grip.

“That you two are fucking?” Bucky’s mouth dropped open and Nat let go of him, sure that he wouldn’t leave. Crossing her arms, she went on, “No, he wasn’t too embarrassed or ashamed to tell me. He hasn’t told me what the hell has him holed up in his apartment, though.”

Bucky nearly fell over in shock; he’d never expected Steve to tell anyone about what they’d been doing. For a brief time, he wondered if he’d told anyone else. Choosing to ignore that thought, he asked, “Holed up?”

She crossed her arms. “Clint told me he hasn’t even been to movie night the past two weekends, and he _never_ misses movie night.” She flashed him a bitter look. “He claims he has a cold. Sam thinks it could be the same one you had. You know,” she added, “the one that caused you to leave the gala early.” Her tone was eerily calm and Bucky began to worry she might just snap his neck and leave his corpse there in the middle of the gym.

“I-I don’t know if he’s sick or not,” he said, looking at the gym floor. “We haven’t talked since… since the gala.” He frowned, feeling the same anger and shame he’d experienced that night.

“I figured as much.” Nat uncrossed her arms and looked at him for a moment. “Have you ever been to The Red Room?”

“No, I’ve heard of it, though.” He squinted at her suspiciously. “Why?” 

“I own it,” she explained. “You should stop by this weekend. I’ll make sure your drinks are on the house.” Her offer sounded genuine but Bucky had trouble believing it.

“Again, why?”

“Why not?” She flashed a smile at him but it only made him more suspicious. “I think you’d like it there. Anyway, I’m on my way out. See you around, Barnes.”

Watching her walk away, Bucky frowned; confusion and suspicion swirled in his chest. He wondered if she really was just being friendly, or if it was some kind of trap. Maybe she was trying to lure him in so she could torture and kill him. Bucky barely knew Natasha, but he had a feeling this theory wasn’t completely out of the realm of possibilities.  
*  
The following Friday night, he decided to take Nat up on her offer. He dressed himself in his favorite skinny jeans and a dark blue, long sleeved shirt that was perhaps a size too small, but he loved it nonetheless. Grabbing his keys and phone, Bucky made sure Alpine had food and water, then he headed out.

After walking several blocks he arrived at a nondescript building. At first, he wondered if it was the right place until he found the faded words, The Red Room written on the door. He hesitated for a moment and took a deep breath. _I can do this, I’m over him,_ he thought to himself, shaking off the doubt. 

Bucky straightened his back, took one more deep breath, and walked through the door. He was surprised to see the inside was much larger and fancier than he’d expected. There was a bar to the right, half a dozen lounge chairs and couches to the left, and several pool tables toward the back. A set of black doors at the far end of the room had a graphic drawing of two men dancing on it and Bucky assumed that was where the club portion was located.

Deciding to get a drink first, Bucky sat at the bar and ordered a beer, scoping out the room for a potential suitor. After less than twenty minutes, he found himself being eyed over by a tall, dark skinned man. Bucky gave him a sly smile and the man approached him.

“I’m M’Baku,” he said, leaning against the bar, “what’s your name, handsome?” 

“I’m Bucky,” He answered, looking over the man’s muscular body.

“You wanna dance?”

“Absolutely.” Bucky put his beer down and hopped off his seat.

M’Baku smiled as he led Bucky through the double doors to the dancefloor and pulled him close. He couldn’t find it in him to complain, though; this was what he needed. To feel wanted. He wrapped his arms around M’Baku’s broad shoulders and pressed their bodies together. Bucky lost himself in the loud music, letting it clear his mind for the first time in days. He wasn’t sure how long they danced for, but once Bucky realized he was slick with sweat, he pulled back slightly. 

“You wanna get out of here?”

“Mmm, I do,” M’Baku leaned in and kissed him briefly.

“C’mon, I live close by.” Bucky took his hand and began leading him out of the building. 

As they reached the door, it suddenly swung open and Bucky was stunned to find Steve standing there. A mix of emotions passed over Steve’s face but Bucky couldn’t identify any of them. More than anything, Steve looked tired. It was then that it hit him: Steve was walking into a gay bar. Waves of anger and sorrow washed over him. Steve was already looking for a replacement. Bucky hadn’t been good enough; hadn’t been worth the trouble. He wanted someone that would be easier to hide.

Suddenly feeling nauseated, Bucky pushed past Steve and out onto the sidewalk. When M’Baku joined him, he put his arm around Bucky. “Do you know that guy?”

Scrubbing his hands over his face, Bucky shook his head. “I used to. It’s nothing to worry about.”

Nodding, M’Baku gave him a soft kiss, and they continued on.

When they reached his apartment, Bucky had a flash of when he’d invited Steve in, and everything that came after. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get rid of the intrusive thought, Bucky refused to let Steve Rogers keep him from being happy. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and saw M’Baku staring at him.

“You okay?” He asked hesitantly.

“I’m great.” Bucky gave a seductive grin and walked up to him, pulling him into a kiss.

M’Baku was a great kisser and Bucky did his best to enjoy it, to savor it. He ran his hands over M’Baku’s firm body, squeezing his muscles and kissing down his neck, trying to enjoy the man’s company. But… something was wrong. He stopped, resting his head against M’Baku’s shoulder and clenched his jaw. 

All Bucky could think about was Steve; the way he kissed; the way he touched Bucky; how his body felt; and the noises he made. Bucky hated himself for it, that he was so hung up on a man that didn’t want him. A man that made him lunch, kissed him with more passion than he’d ever felt, and brought him to a dog show because he remembered Bucky telling him that first night that he liked photographing animals.

“Bucky,” M’baku’s voice was gentle and he pulled Bucky into a gentle hug.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky whispered against his chest, hating how his voice shook.

“It’s alright,” M’Baku promised, “it is best you know now.”

“What do you mean? Know what?” Bucky’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“That you are not over him.” M’Baku patted his back and then took a step away. “That is okay, but I don’t believe that this is what you truly want.” He gestured to himself and the apartment.

Bucky scoffed, ready to argue, but the fight just wasn’t there. He wasn’t sure how M’Baku knew, but he was right, Bucky wasn’t over Steve. Not by a long shot. Tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, he looked at M’Baku. “I’m sorry I wasted your time.”

“Don’t be, it’s good that you admit to it. Now you can either truly start working on getting over him, or you can try to fix things.” M’Baku’s face was serious, but not unkind.

“It can’t be fixed,” Bucky sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

“Would you try if you knew it could be?”

“I…” Thinking for a moment, Bucky considered the question. If he knew Steve really did have feelings for him, that Steve wanted Bucky for more than sex, would he try to fix it? Would he fight to keep Steve in his life? To keep his radiant smile, contagious laugh, and kind eyes? “I would.”

M’Baku patted him on the shoulder and headed for the door. “If you were happy with him, and he with you, I think maybe you should try. You are unhappy, my friend.” And with that, he stepped out, closing the door behind him.

A loud meow startled him and Bucky looked down to see Alpine looking at him indignantly. “What?” When he reached down to pet her, she turned tail and walked away. “Hey! Don’t judge me, Alpine! I clean your litter box!”  
*  
Just as Bucky was pouring his third cup of coffee, there was a rapid series of knocks on his door. Putting his mug down, he walked to see who was interrupting his morning of misery and overthinking. He looked through the peephole and was surprised to see Clint standing there, Bucky mustered up his best _I’m okay_ face and opened the door. “Hey, Clint!”

“Aye! You’re alive!” Clint exclaimed happily, as if there had been a real possibility that Bucky was dead. “Good, you’re coming with us. Go get dressed.”

“Us? Going where?” Bucky saw that Clint was alone and wondered if he’d hit his head during another one of his hair brained activities.

“Me and Lucky, of course. We’re going on a walk and you’re coming with us,” He explained, sounding as though Bucky was a fool for not knowing.

Bucky hesitated, not really wanting to hang out with anyone, let alone overactive Clint. But he’d been blowing off his friend for weeks now, and Bucky didn’t want his issues with Steve to interfere with the rest of his life. Plus, Bucky wanted to meet Lucky, whom he’d only seen pictures of. “Okay, give me a minute. I’ll meet you downstairs.”

After brushing his teeth and putting his hair into a bun, Bucky dressed in a pair of loose jeans and a flannel. He then went downstairs and found Clint and Lucky waiting outside the building. Clint waved enthusiastically when he spotted Bucky, and Lucky gave out a cheerful bark when Bucky joined them.

“Bucky, this is Lucky.” Clint gestured to his large, golden colored Labrador mix. “Lucky, this is Bucky.” 

Bucky crouched down to pet the dog and was giddy to receive a few licks on his face. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Alright you two lovebirds, let’s get going.” 

Clint gave Lucky’s leash a gentle tug and the three of them began walking together. When, after several blocks, Clint hadn’t said a word, Bucky began to worry. Clint was never quiet, the guy even talked in his sleep, if he wasn’t talking, something had to be up. 

As they approached an outdoor cafe, Clint stopped. “I’m gonna grab a drink, you want something?”

“Uh, sure, I’ll take a caramel macchiato with three shots.”

Clint raised his eyebrows. “Yeeeeeah, okay.” He handed the leash to Bucky and went inside.

Bucky sat at one of the tables and petted Lucky while he waited. Once Clint returned, he sat opposite of Bucky and handed him his drink. Upon taking a sip, he was surprised that Clint had gotten his order right.

“So what’s this all about?” Clint finally asked.

“What’s what about?” Bucky took another sip of his coffee, avoiding Clint’s gaze.

“What’s going on with you and Steve?”

Bucky grimaced and slowly looked up from his cup. “We just… had a minor disagreement.”

“Uh huh, and I’m the president of England.” Clint scoffed.

“England doesn’t have a-”

“Whatever,” Clint interrupted, “I don’t care. Tell me the truth. Everyone’s worried about you guys.”

“They are?” Bucky furrowed his brows.

“Uh, yeah, friends tend to care about each other and shit.” 

Bucky looked down at Lucky as he lay beside Clint’s feet, watching passersby. Just as Bucky turned back to Clint and was about to try and give another bullshit answer, Lucky stood up and began wagging his tail happily.

“Bucky? Is that you, dear?” Glancing over his shoulder, Bucky saw Margaret and Anna, with Miles in tow.

“Hello, ladies.” Bucky stood to greet them and they each hugged him. “How’d you two like your pictures?”

“Oh, they were so beautiful, just stunning.” Margaret smiled brightly, the lines around her eyes crinkling up.

Anna peeked over Bucky’s shoulder, noticing Clint, and looked nearly giddy. “Is this your young man, Bucky?”

Before he could answer, Margaret chimed in, “I’m so happy to see things are going well for you two.” She turned to Clint. “Don’t lose this one, he’s a good man.”

“I’m actually just a friend.” Clint gave a crooked smile, looking thoroughly confused.

“Oh! Well, our apologies about that.” Anna had a slight blush on her cheeks.

“It’s fine, no harm done.” Bucky leaned down to pet Miles for a moment, hiding the misery he knew was now covering his face.

The two women whispered back and forth for a moment before Anna spoke. “Well, Miles here has an appointment with his groomer, so we have to get going. It was lovely seeing you again, Bucky.”

“You, too, have a good day, ladies.” Bucky sat back down in his seat once the couple had departed, and the cocked eyebrow and mischievous smirk he saw on Clint’s face told him he was in trouble. 

“You have a young man, Bucky?” He waggled his eyebrows at Bucky.

Groaning into his hands, Bucky hesitated for a moment before speaking. “No, he was never mine.”

Clint frowned. “Who was it? Do I know him?”

Bucky tapped his fingers on the table, wondering if he could get away with another fib, just a little white lie, but even the idea tasted bad. Was he going to just lie about this for the rest of his life? Would he let it continue eating at him until it left a hole in his heart? 

“It was Steve,” He mumbled.

“Steve? Steve Rogers? You guys were…” Clint’s face scrunched up briefly. “How did that happen? I always thought Steve was straight.”

“It just… it just happened. It started the night we met and then… it just kept happening. It’s over now, though.” Bucky took a long drink of his coffee, not wanting to see the look of pity, or even worse, disgust, on Clint’s face. He knew Clint wasn’t homophobic, but what if he thought Bucky had taken advantage of Steve? 

“It must’ve been more than a minor disagreement that ended it, then.” 

“No, he was just… done with me. I guess it’s good he ended it. We didn’t want the same things.” Bucky sighed and finally looked up, surprised by the look of confusion Clint was giving him.

“Uh.” Clint squinted at him. “What was it you wanted?”

“I don’t even know, but I wanted more. I wanted more than just…” Bucky felt himself blushing.

“And, what? Steve didn’t want more?” 

“No," Bucky confirmed, "he made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want more. I guess he didn’t even want _me_ in the end.” He tried to blink back tears of shame but Clint saw them and handed him a napkin.

Once Bucky had wiped his eyes, Clint spoke. “That doesn’t sound like Steve. Did he say that?”

“Not in so many words, but yes.” Bucky wiped at his eyes again.

“What I’m hearing is, he didn’t explicitly tell you that he only wanted sex. Am I right?” Clint leaned back in his seat, looking exasperated.

“Well,” Bucky huffed, “I mean, he didn’t say exactly those words, but he implied it.” 

“My dude, I believe what we have here is a serious case of miscommunication.”

“Clint, it’s not-”

“Wait a second.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “Did he take you to the dog thing at the park?”

Hesitating, Bucky nodded. “Yeah, so?”

Clint smirked. “He asked me to get him those tickets because he wanted to take someone special.”

Bucky sat up straight and looked at Clint with wide eyes. This had to be a joke. “That’s not funny.” 

Rolling his eyes, Clint crossed his arms. “I know I’m pretty hilarious, but this ain’t a joke. Besides, Nat told me he was making googly eyes at you.”

“Oh my God.” Bucky put his face into his hands. “He was not, he was just nervous about Nat finding out about us.”

“Wow, you really are Egyptian.” Clint tsked.

“Huh?” Bucky lowered his hands and quirked an eyebrow at Clint.

“Well, you are clearly living in da Nile.” Clint snorted at his own joke.

Bucky groaned, wanting this conversation to be over. “You really don’t know-”

“Hey!” Clint barked, and Bucky’s jaw dropped. “I know my friends. I know Steve like the back of my hand, and I know he’s not like that. You need to talk to him and get this shit figured out, no more thinking you know.”

“I…” Bucky was at a loss for words, he’d never seen this side of Clint. He’d clearly hit a nerve. “I’m sorry. I-I’ll try to talk to him.”

“Good.” Clint beamed, then stood up quickly. “Me and Lucky are going to finish our walk now, you go home and tell Steve you want to talk.”

“What?” Bucky stared at Clint, disbelieving.

“Yeah, this was totally Natasha’s idea, and she’s never wrong. So, go home, contact Steve, and talk to him about feelings and shit.” Clint clicked his tongue at Lucky, and they began walking away. “You got this.” He said, winking and shooting finger guns at Bucky.

Bucky sat in shock for several minutes, simply staring at his coffee cup. He then got up, and walked home.  
***

As Bucky pushed past him, Steve could only stare in shock as the other man kissed him, before they headed in the direction of Bucky’s apartment. Steve felt bile rising in his throat and ran to the bathroom inside, standing over the sink and gripping the porcelain tightly. He squeezed his eyes shut, but it didn’t stop the onslaught of pain he felt in his heart. Bucky was taking another man to his apartment; the apartment that Steve had abandoned him in; where he had left Bucky feeling alone and rejected. He turned on the tap and splashed water onto his face, trying to clear his mind, but when he looked into the mirror, he could see exhaustion in every line of his face. No wonder Bucky had looked at him with disgust.

After drying his face, Steve went past the bar and headed upstairs to Natasha’s office, knocking lightly. He already wanted to go back home to lick his wounds, but his friend had texted him, vaguely asking for his help with something. When he pushed the door open, he found Nat sitting at her desk, grinning, until she saw Steve’s face. She stood quickly and went to him. “What the hell happened to you?” She asked with concern in her voice.

Steve considered lying but he found that he couldn’t. He couldn’t take this pain inside of him anymore. He wanted to get it out, to purge it. “I saw Bucky downstairs," he explained. "He was leaving with some guy.”

“Seriously?” She looked taken aback and Steve nodded. “Well, that was not part of my plan.”

“Excuse me?” Steve frowned at her. “Your plan? You planned for me to run into Bucky here?” He had started shouting but he didn’t care. He was pissed. “Why would you do that?”

Sighing, Natasha went back to her desk and leaned against it. “Well, if it had gone as planned, you would’ve seen each other and worked things out. But don’t worry, I have a plan B.”

“Don’t,” Steve groaned, “I don’t need your top secret plans, Nat. Bucky is done with me. I have to accept that and get on with my life. W-we had fun, I thought, but… it’s over now.”

“Sit down, Steve.” She gestured to the couch on the other side of the room, joining him once he sat down. “I’ve only met Barnes twice now but he’s very easy to read. He is not over you.”

Steve scoffed, “Yeah, tell that to the guy he just took home.” Rubbing a hand over his mouth at the thought, he went on. “A guy that won’t be a coward, or treat him like a side piece. Someone that can make him… that can give him…”

Nat wrapped her arms around him in a brief but gentle hug. “He’s trying to convince himself that he’s over you, but he’s not, Steve. Trust me on this one.”

“Do you need me here?” Steve sniffled.

“No, I don’t, but you’re welcome to stay,” She spoke softly. ”I’m sorry, Steve.”

“It’s fine, I know you meant well.” Standing, he moved towards the door. “I’m gonna head home, I haven’t been sleeping well and I’m just… I’m so tired, Nat.”

Natasha went back to her desk and sat. “Go get some rest, Rogers, you’ll need it.”

Unsure of what she meant, Steve simply nodded and headed out. As he walked toward the subway, his stomach churned painfully, and on the ride home, he couldn’t stop thinking about Bucky kissing that other man. Knowing Bucky took him home had tears stinging at Steve’s eyes, he wiped them away harshly, though; he’d always known, deep down, that he would never be enough for Bucky. 

After another night of fitful sleep, Steve woke to find it was pouring rain. He dragged himself out of bed and into the bathroom to brush his teeth and shower. When he finally made it to the kitchen, dressed only in a pair of flannel pants, he poured himself a cup of coffee and sat on one of the stools at his island counter.

"Fuck," He grumbled to himself. There were several commissions he hadn't even started, and two more that were only half complete.

Steve knew he had to get out of his head and get over Bucky. He couldn't keep living on three hours of sleep every night and spending every waking moment slumped on his couch. _Maybe tomorrow,_ he thought to himself, filling his mug again and heading to the living room.

Just as he was about to start up another season of _The Walking Dead_ , definitely not because he knew Bucky loved it, he heard his phone chirp from his bedroom. Throwing his head back and groaning, Steve put his mug down on the coffee table and went to retrieve his phone.

Entering his room, he snatched up his phone from the bedside table and swiped across the screen. He froze when he saw a text message from Bucky.

_Bucky: Can we talk?_

***

_Steve: Yeah, okay, what about?_

_Bucky hesitated, he didn’t want to do this through text, or over the phone. But would Steve be willing to meet up with him? Biting his lip, Bucky responded._

_Bucky: Could we meet up?_

_Steve typed for nearly thirty seconds straight, upping Bucky’s anxiety exponentially, before finally sending a reply._

_Steve: Ok, should I come over?_

Taking a deep breath, Bucky sent an answer.

_Bucky: Sure, that’s fine_

_Steve: I’ll be there in an hour_

_Bucky: Ok_

After putting his phone down, Bucky immediately began to regret inviting Steve over. He should have asked to meet in a neutral location, a public place, but considering he was probably going to cry, Bucky decided that, maybe, it was best to be somewhere private. Sighing, he began cleaning up the apartment, not to impress Steve, but just because it needed to be cleaned anyway. Apparently, moping on the couch for weeks on end was not conducive to sanitary living conditions.

For the next hour, Bucky refused to sit still; making sure every room was immaculate; all his clothes put away; and Alpine’s litter box had been thoroughly cleaned. Once the entire apartment was spotless, Bucky jumped in the shower, not wanting to be a sweaty, smelly mess when Steve arrived. His nerves wouldn’t allow him to enjoy the shower, though, Bucky’s mind was in overdrive, and his stomach was in knots at the thought of what was to come.

Just as he was pulling a tee shirt over his head, Bucky heard soft knocking at the front door. Fear gripped at him, leaving him frozen, and Bucky briefly thought about not answering it. Maybe he could just move back to Indiana and pretend none of this ever happened. When he heard another series of slightly louder knocks, he yanked on his sweatpants and slowly walked to the door. He took one last deep breath, then pulled it open.

Bucky wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of emotions he felt when he saw Steve standing there; sadness, anger, nervousness, but more than anything, and for reasons he wasn’t quite sure of, he felt relief. Looking him over, he noted that Steve was wearing a worn pair of jeans and a blue checkered flannel shirt; it was then that Bucky noticed that he was soaking wet. It suddenly hit him that he asked Steve to come over while it was pouring outside. 

“Oh my God.” He took hold of Steve’s wrist and pulled him in, shutting the door behind him. “I’m so sorry, I forgot it was raining. Hold on.” Bucky ran to the bathroom to grab some towels, nearly tripping over his own feet as he raced back to the doorway. “Here.”

Steve hesitantly took the towels, and Bucky stepped back, giving him the space he undoubtedly wanted. “Thank you,” He replied softly, and began drying himself off. When he was finished, Bucky took the towels back and hung them up on the coat rack. “So…” Steve rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “You wanted to talk?”

Swallowing thickly, Bucky nodded. “Y-yeah, do you wanna sit down?”

“Um, sure, I guess.”

Not wanting to take him to the living room, Bucky led Steve into the kitchen, and pulled out stools for both of them. After a long silence, Bucky gathered all the courage he could, and finally spoke.

“I just want to know if we can... fix this.” He motioned back and forth between them. “I mean, I don’t know if it can be, I know we were never…”

Steve looked down at his lap, fidgeting. “I know, I’m not… I’m not what you need, I tried, Bucky, but you deserve better. We both know it.”

“What?” Bucky blinked at him.

“I mean, I know you were- we were just having fun, in the beginning, at least. I tried to be more for you, but I understand, I’m not-”

“Steve,” Bucky interrupted, thoroughly confused, “You broke things off because you… you were done with me. I thought it was because…” He bit his lip nervously. “But then I saw you at The Red Room, and I realized you wanted something better. Something that would be easier than what we had.”

Steve licked his lips anxiously. “You think I broke things off?”

“Well, yeah.” Bucky furrowed his brow. “Didn’t you?”

“I thought you called it off, that night at the gala.” Steve huffed and looked upward for a moment. “I thought you were going to tell me-”

“I wanted to tell you I couldn’t keep doing, well, what we were doing anymore, because I wanted more.” Bucky could feel his heart pounding painfully in his chest, and a bead of hope began to take shape.

“Oh my God.” Steve covered his face with his hands, groaning. “Bucky, I have feelings for you and I can’t do a friends with benefits relationship with you because of that.”

Bucky wondered if he was going to start hyperventilating right there in his kitchen. “Holy shit, I can’t believe how wrong I got this.” When Steve looked at him with expectant eyes, Bucky gave a small smile. “I have feelings for you, too, punk.”

“Jerk.” Steve slipped off of the stool and stepped between Bucky’s thighs. “Can I kiss you?”

Nodding enthusiastically, Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders and pulled him in. Their lips pressed together softly at first, but Bucky couldn’t hold back, and after a moment he deepened the kiss. 

“I missed you,” Steve moaned into his mouth, holding onto him tightly. “Fuck, I missed you so much.”

“Mmm, missed you, too.” Bucky slid his hands over Steve’s body, unable to stop himself. He wanted to make up for every day they’d lost. “Steve, I want you.”

Steve cupped Bucky’s face in his hands, and kissed him once more. “You have me,” He whispered.” Bucky hesitated, still unsure of how far Steve was willing to go. “What is it?” He asked, concern etched into his face.

“Would you… want to, maybe, have sex with me?” When Steve’s eyes widened in surprise, Bucky felt his chest begin to tighten. 

“I would absolutely love to have sex with you,” He finally answered, sounding absolutely delighted.

“Y-you’re sure?” 

“I’m very sure.” Steve wiped loose strands of hair away from Bucky’s face. “I want you in every way possible, Buck.”

Bucky felt like he could burst from all the happiness bubbling up inside him. “Me too.”

“Good.” Steve kissed him before whispering against Bucky’s lips. “Now take me to bed.” For the second time, Bucky took Steve’s hand and led him to the bedroom. This time was different, though, this time it wasn’t something that would leave both their hearts aching afterward.

When they got to Bucky’s room, Steve kicked off his shoes, pulled off his socks, and was beginning to unbutton his shirt when Bucky stopped him. “Wait.” Steve looked up, a fearful look in his eyes, but Bucky stepped into his space and kissed him. “Can I undress you?”

Huffing out a relieved laugh, Steve dropped his hands away. “Please do.”

Bucky unbuttoned Steve’s still damp flannel, pulled it off of him, and dropped it onto the floor, quickly followed by his undershirt. Bucky wanted to fully appreciate Steve’s body this time, but even with the blinds open, the rainclouds didn’t allow much light to enter the room, so he quickly turned on the bedside lamp. He could feel his mouth watering as he took every inch of Steve’s perfectly sculpted torso, his full, firm pecs, and Bucky found that he couldn’t resist putting his mouth on them.

“Oh!” Steve moaned when he felt Bucky sucking and licking over his nipple. “Oh, shit, Bucky, feels so good.” Steve pulled him into another kiss, fucking his tongue into Bucky’s mouth, the sounds of their downright filthy moans filled the room, but were quickly interrupted by a loud meow.

Looking around, Bucky saw Alpine sitting in the doorway, watching them. Steve barked out a laugh, and Bucky dropped his face into Steve’s chest. “One second.” He went into the kitchen and gave Alpine a few treats before quickly running back to the bedroom and shutting the door. “Sorry about that.” He laughed.

“Where were we?” Steve asked, grinning.

“I believe I was undressing you,” Bucky answered in a husky tone. 

“How about while you do that, I undress you?”

“I like that plan.” He began unbuckling Steve’s jeans, stopping only so his shirt could be pulled off. Once Steve was standing there in just his Batman boxers, he began sliding Bucky’s sweatpants down, groaning when he saw Bucky’s erect cock. “You caught me before I could fully dress.”

“I’m glad I did.” Steve slid his hands over the firm globes of Bucky’s ass and gave a gentle squeeze. Meanwhile, Bucky was now yanking down Steve’s boxers, chuckling at the design as he tossed them across the room. Stepping forward, Steve pressed his cock against Bucky’s, causing both men to moan. Bucky reached down, stroking their erections together until they were panting. “Bed. Now.”

Nodding, Steve crawled onto the bed, and Bucky quickly followed, crawling on top of him and thrusting down on him. “H-how do you wanna do this?” Steve asked, eyes on Bucky.

“I’d like to have you inside of me, if that’s okay with you.” Bucky laughed when Steve threw his head back on the pillow and groaned.

“That’s one hundred percent okay with me.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Bucky reached over to the drawer in his bedside table, pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. “Do you… want me to do the prep?”

“As much as I’d love to watch you finger yourself, I’d prefer to do it myself. If you’re alright with that.” Steve ran his hands up and down Bucky’s chest gently, and then around to his ass, sliding his fingers along the crease.

“Oh, god, please.” Bucky shoved the lube into Steve’s hand, and crawled off of him. “How do you want me?”

“Whatever’s most comfortable for you.” He answered, watching as Bucky got on his hands and knees. “Beautiful,” Steve breathed out, and Bucky could feel himself blushing. He felt the bed dip as Steve got behind him, followed by the sound of the lube bottle being flipped open. Nerves suddenly filled Bucky’s chest, remembering the last time they did this, and couldn’t help feeling anxious. Seeming to sense this, Steve rubbed a hand over Bucky’s back. “We don’t have to do this, you know.

“No, I want to, I just…”

“I’m not leaving, I promise, I won’t leave until you want me to,” Steve’s voice was steady, and Bucky believed him.

“O-okay, I’m ready.” Bucky spread his legs wider, allowing a full view of his ass.

“Fuck, you look so good like this. Can I taste you?”

“ _Please_ ,” Bucky begged, and nearly howled when he felt Steve’s tongue pressing against his hole. “Shit, Steve, oh God.”

“Mmm, Bucky, you taste good _everywhere_ ,” Steve moaned against Bucky’s entrance, and it had him shivering. After several more swipes of his tongue, Steve began rubbing a slick finger against Bucky’s hole, then slowly slid it in. He carefully pushed in and out, teasing Bucky until he was fully inside. “So fucking tight.”

“I can’t wait to feel your thick cock inside me, Stevie.” Bucky panted, pushing back on Steve’s finger.

Steve made an animalistic sound as he continued to use just a single digit for a long moment, before sliding in a second, and Bucky couldn’t remember having ever been so turned on just being fingered. “Shit, Buck.” Steve gasped, already sounding wrecked. “Can you take another?”

“Yes, gimme another,” He begged, “fuck me open for your cock.”

“God, the mouth on you, baby,” Steve moaned, before slowly adding a third finger, being careful as not to hurt Bucky.

Suddenly, a burst of pleasure pulsed through him, and Bucky shouted out, not even bothering to try and lower his voice. “Right there!”

“Yeah? That feel good?” Steve growled, pushing into Bucky harder, hitting that sweet spot every time.

“Steve, stop,” Bucky cried out, and Steve halted his movements. “You’re gonna make me come if you keep doing that.”

Steve chuckled. “Isn’t that the point?”

“Yes,” He huffed, “I want to come on your cock, though.”

Cursing under his breath, Steve removed his fingers, and Bucky could hear the condom wrapper being ripped open, followed by the sound of lube being squirted out. “Tell me if you need me to stop.” Bucky looked over his shoulder, and Steve looked into his eyes. “Can… can you lie on your back while we do this?”

“Of course.” Bucky smiled softly and turned over, pulling his legs up toward his chest.

Steve leaned over him, kissing him deeply, and that was when Bucky felt the blunt head of Steve’s cock against his hole. He turned away from the kiss, trying to steady his breathing, but nodded his consent when Steve remained still. Slowly, he felt the pressure and burn as Steve’s cock pushed past his tight ring of muscle. 

Steve’s eyes fell shut, stopping once his cock head penetrated Bucky. “Oh, Bucky,” He breathed, and opened his eyes.

“Don’t stop, please,” Bucky whispered.

He slowly pushed in until he was fully seated inside of Bucky, and Steve couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of Bucky’s. “I didn’t know it could feel like this.”

“How does it feel?” Bucky asked, licking his lips.

Steve pressed his mouth lightly against Bucky’s, kissing him softly, then whispered, “Important.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY I'M A TERRIBLE TEASE! BUT:
> 
> Chapter 7 (which also contains an epilogue) will be posted on Friday, instead of next Tuesday!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter and epilogue! Enjoy!

  
Bucky surged upward, kissing Steve so deeply that it stole his breath away. Steve didn’t care, though, he would have given away all the air in his lungs just to feel Bucky’s lips on his one more time. When Bucky’s tongue licked its way into Steve’s mouth, he worshipped the taste; he hadn’t been lying, Bucky really did taste good _everywhere_. Feeling dizzy with pleasure, Steve took a deep breath, and rested his forehead against Bucky’s, listening to him moan as Steve slowly thrust in and out of him. He relished the tight heat gripping his cock, and ducked his head into Bucky’s neck, kissing and licking the warm skin there.

“Steve,” Bucky moaned, as he wrapped his legs around Steve’s waist, pushing him in deeper. “You make me feel so good, baby.”

Thrusting faster, Steve looked into Bucky’s eye, watching for any discomfort, but he only saw undeniable euphoria. “‘s all I wanna do, Buck, just wanna make you feel good.”

“H-harder,” Bucky whimpered.

Steve happily obliged, fucking harder into Bucky’s eager hole. “Fuck, you’re gonna ruin me for anyone else.”

“God, I hope so.” He pulled Steve in for another kiss, but before long, they could only pant into each other’s mouths.

Steve could feel his orgasm fast approaching, and as much as he wanted this moment to last forever, knowing he could have it again later made him want to come even more. He doubled down in his efforts and began slamming his hips against Bucky’s ass, grabbing his cock and stroking it just as quickly. “You gonna come for me? I wanna feel it, wanna feel you,” Steve groaned.

“So close, honey, your gorgeous cock’s gonna make me come so hard,” Bucky’s voice was ragged, and Steve loved the way it sounded, knowing he was the reason why. “Shit, Stevie, gonna come!”

“Show me baby, lemme see you.” Steve pounded into Bucky and suddenly felt his cock being gripped almost painfully tight. He couldn’t look away from Bucky’s face as he came across his abdomen, cursing and chanting Steve’s name like a prayer. “Look so fuckin’ good, Buck, gonna make me come.” 

“Do it,” Bucky slurred, “come inside me, want it so bad.”

After one final thrust, Steve threw his head back as he ground his cock deeper into Bucky, overcome by the intensity of his orgasm and the pleasure that pulsed through his body like a drug. “ _Bucky_ ,” He managed to whimper before collapsing on top of him. Bucky didn’t seem to mind the weight, and it felt nice to be able to just let go. 

Closing his eyes as he tried to catch his breath, Steve smiled into Bucky’s chest when he felt fingers carding through his hair. “That was incredible, baby.” 

“Yeah?” Steve lifted his head just enough to look into Bucky’s eyes.

“Yeah, you definitely ruined me for anyone else.” He grinned.

“Good, mission accomplished.” Bucky chuckled, then winced when Steve pulled out. “I’ll be right back,” Steve said, kissing him once before he climbed off the bed, and walked into the bathroom across the hall. He removed the condom and threw it in the trash, before wiping himself down with a damp washcloth, then retrieved a clean one and ran warm water over it. He brought it back to Bucky and gently cleaned him; Bucky stared at him with an expression akin to adoration and it made Steve’s chest feel tight with emotion. Once he was finished, he tossed the washcloth to the floor, and got back into bed. They lied on their sides, facing one another, both with dopey grins on their faces.

Bucky’s face faltered then, and he asked, “What are you going to tell everyone?”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked, confused.

“Well, about… this.” He motioned between them. “About us.” Bucky bit his lip nervously.

Steve frowned. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to tell them. I like you, Bucky, and I don’t care who knows it.”

“You’re sure?”

“I know I’ve been a complete ass about this, but I’ve learned my lesson. Not being with you hurt, and knowing it hurt you, too....” Steve glanced away briefly, before looking into Bucky’s eyes again. “My feelings for you are something I’ve never experienced before, and it scared me at first, but I know now it’s what I want more than anything else.”

Bucky cupped Steve’s face with his hand and leaned in to kiss him softly. “I’m really glad to hear that, Steve. I missed you so much, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” His brow then furrowed for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, anything.” Steve answered, already feeling worried by Bucky’s expression.

“What were you doing at The Red Room the other night?”

“Oh, that was Nat’s doing, she was trying to… I guess, help us see the light.” Steve bit his bottom lip, unsure if he should ask about why Bucky was there, or what happened with the man he’d left with.

“That sounds like something she’d do.” Bucky huffed with a playful smirk, before noticing Steve’s hesitant look. “I-I didn’t do anything with the guy you saw. I couldn’t, I wanted to prove to myself that I was over you, but I just couldn’t do it. He ended up leaving after we… we kissed a bit, but I guess he could tell I wasn’t into it.”

A flare of jealousy shot through him, but Steve pushed it down. “Would you be okay with us being exclusive from now on?”

“Why, Steve Rogers,” Bucky drawled in an exaggerated southern accent, “are you asking me to go steady?”

Steve laughed and playully shoved at Bucky’s shoulder. “I am doing just that, good sir. I’d very much like to be your… your boyfriend.”

Bucky smiled brightly. “I’d like that, too.”  
*  
After spending the next half an hour trading lazy kisses in bed, the sound of both their phones pinging with text alerts drew them out of their secluded cloud of intimacy. Bucky reached beside the bed to grab Steve’s phone out of his pants before retrieving his own on the bedside table.

“A group text from Sam,” Steve grumbled, annoyed at having their precious moment interrupted.

“Yeah, canceling movie night because his Ma dropped by for a surprise visit.” Bucky replied, lying back down beside Steve.

“What I’m hearing is, we’re both free for the rest of the day,” He replied with a Cheshire grin.

“That sounds about right.” Bucky propped his chin on Steve’s pec, smiling in return.

“Oh, I forgot, I do have one thing I have to do,” Steve sighed listlessly, which made Bucky frown.

“What?”

“Well, I’m in the middle of season three of The Walking Dead, and I was really hoping to finish it today.” Bucky pinched Steve’s nipple until he yelped, slapping away his hand.

“You punk,” Bucky rolled his eyes fondly.

“Jerk,” Steve laughed, leaning in to kiss him.

“Wait, did you start watching The Walking Dead because you knew I liked it?” Bucky squinted at him suspiciously.

Steve felt his cheeks flushing and Bucky burst out laughing. “Shut up, I did not! I just saw that it had good reviews!” He protested.

“I had no idea what a romantic you were, Rogers.”  
*  
As season five wrapped up, Bucky stood up from the couch, stretching his back, while Steve unabashedly stared at the strip of skin revealed as his shirt slid up. When Bucky noticed, he laughed. “Steve, you’ve seen me naked, is this really all it takes to rile you up?”

“Everything about you riles me up.” Steve pulled Bucky into his lap, kissing along his jawline and up to his lips.

“Mmm,” Bucky hummed, before pulling back. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have to work tomorrow.”

“On a Sunday?” Steve gave a dramatic pout.

“Sadly.” He wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders. “It’s a Christening.”

"Ugh,” Steve whined, “would it be sacrilegious of me to accuse God of being a cock block?”

Bucky burst out laughing until he was red in the face. “I’m not sure, but it’d probably be admonished either way.”

Steve helped Bucky off his lap, then stood and held Bucky’s hands in his own. “I had a good time with you today.”

“Me too.” Bucky smiled sweetly.

“Do you wanna go on a date with me this week?”

“Do I want to go on a date with my boyfriend? Hmmm…” Bucky looked off, humming, and Steve blushed. He was beginning to realize that Bucky would never stop having that effect on him. “I have decided that, yes, I would like to go on a date with you.”

Grinning, Steve pulled him into one more kiss. “I can’t wait.”  
*

  
_Epilogue_

  
*  
It’d been four weeks since Steve and Bucky became boyfriends; four weeks of kissing whenever they wanted; four weeks of going on dates all over town; four weeks of playful ribbing and endless support from their friends. They’d been four of the happiest weeks that Steve could remember ever having, and with every passing day, he could feel himself falling harder and faster for Bucky. He could feel the _L_ word constantly bouncing around inside his head.

It was too soon, though.

Sure, they continued to learn new things about one another that brought them closer together; and yeah, Steve would catch Bucky staring at him with a smile on his face when he thought Steve wasn’t looking; but so what if he felt the words on his lips every time he heard Bucky laugh, or touched him, or even thought about him. It was too soon. 

But, even though he couldn’t say the words, Steve knew he could at least show Bucky how he felt.

On the evening of their one month anniversary, after placing their take out boxes in the trash, Steve approached Bucky at the sink and gave his sexiest _come hither_ look. “Hey, Buck?”

“Hmm?” Bucky rinsed the last of the cups, and turned to find Steve only inches away. “Whoa, hi there.”

“I wanna do something special with you tonight, if you’re up for it.” Steve gave a shy smile.

Bucky dried his hands before placing them on Steve’s hips, pulling him in close. “Oh yeah? What would that be?”

“Well,” Steve’s voice wavered, suddenly feeling nervous, “I know we’ve never… I mean, I don’t even know if you’re into… but, if you’d be interested in…”

“Oh my God, Steve,” Bucky huffed in amusement, “what are you so nervous about? You can tell me anything, baby.”

Taking a deep, slightly calming breath, Steve nodded. “I want you to fuck me.”

“Yeah?” Bucky smiled sweetly at him, before leaning in for a kiss.

“I know we’ve never done it before, but if you’re okay with it, I’d really like to do this with you.” Steve could feel his cheeks heating up.

“I’d love to fuck you, Stevie.” Bucky slowly ran his hands up Steve’s body, kissing him again. “You’re sure you want to? I’m perfectly fine with bottoming.”

“I want to.” Steve licked his lips, and watched as Bucky’s eyes followed his tongue. “I want you inside of me.”

“Mmm, just hearing you say that makes my cock hard.” He grinned as Steve took his hand, and led him to the bedroom. 

They quickly undressed and got into bed together, where Steve poured all of his feelings into every kiss and gentle touch. Bucky gasped and moaned as Steve worked his way down his body, kissing every inch of Bucky’s beautiful body, worshipping the man he loved. When he got down to Bucky’s cock, he gave it soft kisses and kitten licks until it was fully hard. He wrapped his lips around the head, dipping his tongue into the already leaking slit, savoring the salty taste that he just knew was uniquely Bucky. Once Steve pulled off, he rubbed Bucky’s cock across his cheeks, listening to the filthy moans it elicited. “I love y… your dick.” Steve bit his lip, internally scolding himself at the near slip. “Can’t wait to feel it inside of me, Buck.”

“Fuck, me either, baby.” Bucky cupped Steve’s face gently. “C’mere.”

Steve crawled up Bucky’s body, where he was pulled into a bruising kiss, pulling loud grunts from them both. After a long moment, Bucky rolled Steve onto his back and immediately began sucking on his left nipple, while pinching lightly on the other. “Oh, Buck, always know exactly what I want.”

“I like to think so,” Bucky said, licking his lips. He then sat back on his knees, and reached over for the lube and a condom from the night stand. Once he had the items, he ran his hands up and down Steve’s legs before pushing them up against his chest. Leaning down, Bucky unexpectedly licked several broad stripes over Steve’s hole. “I certainly know how much you love having your ass eaten out, isn’t that right, baby?”

“ _Fuck_.” Steve grabbed the back of his thighs, exposing more of himself to Bucky. “Love it, love your tongue on me.”  
  
Pressing a kiss to Steve’s tight entrance, Bucky leaned back and thoroughly coated his fingers in lube, then began teasing around Steve’s hole. “How’s this feel, baby?” He asked.

Steve lifted his head, looking down at Bucky. “Definitely feels different than your tongue.”

Bucky chuckled. “It gets better. If you don’t like it, though, we can just go back to the way we did it before. Okay?”

Nodding, Steve dropped his head onto the pillow, and Bucky concentrated on the task at hand. He circled Steve’s hole with his finger, using his thumb to press against his perineum, before pushing against the tight rim gently. As Steve got used to the feeling, Bucky looked up, checking in with him. “I’m ready,” Steve told him softly.

“Okay, let me know if you want me to stop,” Bucky said with a firm but kind tone, “none of that _grin and bear it_ business you seem to live by.”

“I promise,” Steve answered, and then he felt Bucky’s finger sliding into him.

It didn’t hurt, but it felt intrusive and weird, so he tried to continue concentrating on his breathing, hoping that it would eventually begin to feel better. Once Bucky’s finger was fully inside of Steve, he waited a moment before slowly pulling it out, then repeating the act. Watching his face, Bucky kissed his way up Steve’s thigh, licking and biting every few inches, until he reached Steve’s flagging erection. He could feel himself blushing at the sight, Steve was always hard for Bucky, he hoped this wouldn’t deter him. 

“How’s it feeling?” Bucky asked, nuzzling his face over Steve’s cock before taking it into his mouth.

Steve groaned and instinctively ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “I like it,” He answered, and with the help of Bucky’s skilled mouth, he really was enjoying it more. The sensation of Bucky’s finger sliding in and out of him began feeling less foreign, and before long, it became downright pleasurable, “I can take another.” Bucky smiled with his mouth full of dick and added a second finger, eliciting a loud moan from Steve, “Oh shit, Bucky.”

“Baby, I love the sounds you make.” He said, after pulling off Steve's cock with an obscene pop. “You’re so tight around my fingers, Stevie, can’t wait to fuck you.” 

The thought alone had Steve moaning like a wanton whore, and he couldn’t even find it in himself to care, Bucky’s dirty mouth always made him hot under the collar. “Gonna feel so good inside me, Buck.”

“You ready for another?” Bucky asked.

“Please,” Steve begged, and soon a third finger slid into him, stretching him wider. He winced at first, and Bucky stopped.

“Does it hurt?” 

“Just burns a little, don’t stop, please,” He pleaded, and Bucky slid his fingers in deeper. 

“How’s it feel now?” Bucky crooked his fingers and Steve saw stars exploding behind his eyes.

“Shit!” He gasped, “Bucky, again, right there.” Steve was nearly shouting, and Bucky grinned at him deviously as he continued on with his ministrations. When he began to speed up, stretching Steve’s hole even more, Bucky took his own cock in hand, giving it a few relieving strokes; the sight alone made Steve want to come. “Stop, ‘m ready, please, Buck, want your cock in me.”

Bucky groaned but nodded, pulling his fingers out to slip the condom on, and added more lube. Once he had his cock lined up with Steve’s hole, he leaned down and kissed him deeply. As he began pushing into Steve, Bucky’s eyes fluttered close and his mouth dropped open, halting the kiss. Steve couldn’t look away, even as the burning sensation intensified, until Bucky was fully seated inside him. When he finally opened his eyes, Steve could see that Bucky’s pupils were blown wide, only a sliver of his beautiful grey irises showing.

“Stevie,” Bucky whispered his name reverently, and Steve could feel his breath catch in his throat. He wanted to scream his love for Bucky from the top of his lungs, and the words clawed to escape, but Steve valiantly held them back. Instead, he chose to concentrate on the fact that he felt so completely full with Bucky’s cock that he was sure he could taste it.

“You can move.” Steve wrapped his legs and arms around Bucky, pulling him down until their bodies were touching from head to toe.

“O-okay.” Bucky began pulling out, incredibly slowly, and when just the head of his cock remained inside of Steve’s hole, he pushed back in, just as slowly.

Steve tightened his grip on Bucky’s shoulders as he continued on for what felt like hours, days, weeks, and years; maybe even decades and centuries. He never wanted it to stop, he only wanted more. “Buck, _please_ , I need… I need-” Squeezing his eyes shut, overwhelmed by it all, Steve couldn’t get the words out.

“I got you, baby. Whatever you need,” Bucky breathed, kissing Steve’s neck, up to his jaw, and finally his lips. He began thrusting harder, but still gently enough so as to not hurt Steve, and Steve was sure he was going to lose his mind from the intensity of the pleasure.

“Only need you,” Steve whimpered, digging his heels into Bucky’s ass, pushing him inside deeper. Suddenly, Bucky grabbed Steve’s legs, and placed them over his shoulders, nearly bending him in half. It was then that Bucky began building up his pace, and with every thrust his cock hit Steve’s prostate. “Oh my God, Buck!” 

Bucky licked his lips as he held on tightly to Steve’s hips, nearly growling. “Fuck, you feel so good, Steve, so fucking good.”

Steve could only whimper as he felt the tell tale signs of his impending orgasm, and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. “So close.” He reached up for Bucky. “Wanna kiss you.” 

Lowering Steve’s legs onto the bed, Bucky leaned down and kissed him. Steve couldn’t stop the pinprick of tears in his eyes as he felt the passion behind Bucky’s kiss. It was only moments later that Steve had to pull away, throwing his head back into the pillow in a long, drawn out moan as his orgasm crashed through him.

“So beautiful, baby, look at you.” Bucky gasped, tucking his face against Steve’s shoulder, and after three more powerful thrusts, he was coming. “Oh, God, Stevie, I love you so much.” 

“Bucky,” Steve whined, letting the tears spill over. His voice felt trapped in his throat, so consumed with emotion, he could barely breathe. When Bucky finally lifted his head, he was biting his lip nervously, and that was when Steve realized he hadn’t responded. “I love you so much, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed in relief, a huge smile on his face, and Steve couldn’t help pulling him into another kiss. “I can’t believe I have you,” Bucky breathed, when they finally separated for air, then asked, “Was it okay? Bottoming, I mean.”

“It was amazing, I loved it.” Steve smiled shyly. “How’d it feel for you?”

“Important.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, giving kudos, and leaving comments! I hope you've all enjoyed this fic <3

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos feed my life essence!
> 
> Find me on Twitter @dixons_mama


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